Not A Mega Church? Building a Youth Ministry that Lasts no matter what size Church you are!

25May/101

Letting People In

We all know it, youth ministry is hard.  Whether you work at a mega-church or a small church, the pressures to perform and work wonders in teens is very high.  Youth Pastors are on the front lines in helping to save the next generation of students for Christ - that's a lot of pressure :) .

But what happens to you when your world comes crashing down?  Not your ministry world, but your personal world?  What happens when you have a close death in the family, or your marriage is strained or one of your children gets in trouble with the law - not silly pranks trouble, but drug trouble or some sort of criminal trouble?  Or what if your wife miscarries and goes into a deep depression?  What do you do then?  How do you respond and how do others respond around you?

I have been in my fair share of trying moments - after all spending over 13 years in ministry will probably do that to you.  And, I have found that when those moments come, I can do 1 of 2 things - bottle it up inside, shut everyone else out and process myself OR share it with others and let people help me.  When I bottle it up inside and try to process/handle the situation alone, I break down.  I am so emotionally invested in whatever is happening that I can't process clearly enough to make  a rational decision.  But, if I open up and let a few people in (that's right I said a few people - not a lot of people), then the whole outlook is different.

For example, here are some reasons and benefits of how letting people in will help you get through these trying times.

  • They help you process information so that you can come up with a rational conclusion.  "A different set of eyes" sometimes makes all the difference.  When I have a trying time, I can only process how I view things.  But, if I let people in, they can sometimes offer a different opinion and present some different options that maybe I did not think about.
  • They can help support you and your family with meals, babysitting, cleaning or whatever needs to be done.  If a problem arises on the homefront, it completely changes your whole world.  The world does not stop just because you have an issue.  Dishes and laundry still need to get done, children still need to be played with and cared for and   So, if you can get help on the homefront, that would be a true blessing as it allows you to focus on the crisis without a lot of distractions.
  • It gives people the opportunity to serve YOU!  That's right, Youth Pastors make a living out of serving others and helping them in their time of need.  But who ministers to you when you are in need?  It is not a 1 way street.  Youth Ministers have to be open to allowing others to come alongside of you and give to you.  It is a blessing for them to give and it most definitely be a blessing to you.

I have found that letting people into your world, especially during a hard time, is great medicine.  I'm not saying you have to tell the whole world, but you should definitely tell those closest to you and the members of your church staff.  No matter who you tell, I would encourage you to keep the circle tight.  These situations can sometime be very sensitive and sometimes the whole world does not need to know your struggles - maybe one day but not during the daily ups and downs.

How about you?  What do you feel about letting people in to support YOU?  TAKE A MINUTE and process this and respond.  Help the community of Youth Ministers really know and understand how you have seen this as a positive or a negative.


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25Feb/101

YM Devo: Getting Others Involved

Read Nehemiah 3

Some questions to ponder:

  1. How many groups of people helped in rebuilding the wall?
  2. What were some of the different jobs that were involved in rebuilding the wall?
  3. How much of the wall did Nehemiah rebuild?
  4. What does this show you about involving others?

Encouragement:

It was Nehemiah's passion and heart to begin to rebuild the Jerusalem wall (Nehemiah 1).  But he could not rebuild it alone.  He needed help from others. First he needed the King to let him go of his duties and head back to Jerusalem.  Then, in this passage, we see that it was others who helped rebuild the wall.  In fact, there were so many groups of people involved in helping that Nehemiah was not even mentioned as being apart of any of the repair crews!

In the same way, when we are called into a ministry position, people will look towards us for leadership, vision and direction.  Like Nehemiah, God has given us a vision, passion and desire to undertake this ministry.  But just as Nehemiah knew that he would not be able to build the wall all by himself, we need to recognize our need for help.  Without help and support from others, our effectiveness and ability to succeed will be limited.

Whether it is in our personal lives or in ministry, you need to get others involved.  Much is at stake - your families, marriages, the lives of youth you serve and their families.  That is why you need to surround yourself with others who will care for and support you personally as well as help you fight in this mission to win youth for the Lord.  If you try to pull a Lone Ranger and go after Christ and youth alone, you run the risk of never truly being effective as a follower and minister of Him.

Personal Application:

  1. What kind of support network do you and your family have that encourages you in your life, your relationship with Christ and your marriage?
  2. If you do not have a group of people that encourages you in these areas, identify a person or group of people you can get involved with so that you can have the fellowship and accountability you need to thrive.

Ministry Application:

  1. Examine what kind of help you have in reaching students for Christ.  Do you have enough adequate help?
  2. If you do not, what is 1 thing you could do this week to get more people involved so that you can be reaching students more effectively?
  3. If you do have adequate support, DELEGATE at least 1 thing you normally do to a volunteer.  That way you are encouraging and inspiring them to be more effective in their ministry.

In all, it took the people of Jerusalem 54 days to rebuild the wall (Nehemiah 6:15-16).  I wonder how long it would have taken if Nehemiah just tried to rebuild it alone.  Get others involved in both your personal life and ministry.  When you do that,  you will benefit but also others will as well because they get to step up and walk alongside of you through all that life and ministry have to throw at you.

TAKE A MINUTE and pray that God would examine your life and ministry for ways that people can come alongside of you.

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4Jan/100

Is Satan lurching around the Corner?

As we ring in 2010, I am happy and very thankful to say that 2009 is over! 2009 turned out to be one of the most unpredictable and craziest years I have ever been apart of and I am so glad it is over. Wondering what I am talking about? Let me explain a little.

I knew good things were happening at Cedar Run and that God was really working here. Because of this, I knew Satan was just around the corner waiting for something to devour (1 Peter 5:8). Over the summer the Church just hired a new female Youth Staff Associate to support our growing youth program and to help us minister to the girls better. I've talked about her before, but Katie is a great young lady who has a tremendous gift of relational ministry to girls as well as "out of the box" thinking to reach students for Christ. I have been bless to be working beside her, so again, I thought Satan would be lurching around the corner trying to mess this up somehow.

In addition to hiring Katie, our youth program was coming off a solid summer where we had a great mission trip and built lots of community amongst the students. I have seen relationships develop and be nurtured in a positive, Christlike way and I knew that this bonding was going to have a positive effect on our program. Students also grew in their faith during this trip and took some great steps of faith over the summer. Therefore, I knew Satan was going to be lurching around the corner ready to try to mess this up somehow.

Lastly, I was headed into the fall at a time when I was learning a lot. I had just finished taking a great PostModern class from Reformed Theological Seminary and was reading some good ministry related books. Because of that, I felt that I was going to be better equipped to lead our leaders and in turn, they were going to be more effective ministers to the students than in years past. Again, I knew Satan wouldn't like this so I knew he would be lurching around corner ready to pounce.

Because of all these great and positive things happening in my life and ministry, I knew that Satan would be lurching around the corner, trying to take me out. The only thing left to figure out was exactly how he was going to get to me. What was he going to do and how? As with everything in life, when you think you have figured it out, Satan attacked me in an unexpected way and oh boy he did not disappoint. I'm not going to go into the exact details of what happened but I will say that it had nothing to do with me personally (ie, infidelity or any kind of personal or ministry integrity issue). He came at me hard this year with a full attack and there were times when I have felt done and defeated. Satan was taking some really good licks at me.

The fact is, Satan wants all believers dead where we can make no impact for Christ whatsoever. Considering that we are all Youth Ministers who are in the trenches everyday for the eternal lives of countless youth, Satan must turn up the attacks even more. He is out to destroy our marriages, our families, our ministry, our friendships and anything else around us in order to eliminate our effectiveness for Christ!

Through it all, my encouragement has been and still remains that if Satan is lurching around the corner, God is always with me. These attacks by Satan has caused me to TURN TO THE LORD ALL THE MORE!. I am determined not go be taken out by Satan. Therefore, the more he attacks, the more I am driven by the power of Christ to perservere. James 1:2-4 says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." This past year has been a real test of faith as I have had to cling to him more and more each day. I have turned to the Lord countless times defeated and alone, but I know that he is there for me and helps me persevere.

This past year has not been easy, but I believe that I am better off from it, my family is better off and the youth at Cedar Run are better off because of this.

Because of what I have been going through, I wanted this to be an encouragement to other believers and minister who may have gone through similar things or who will go through them sooner or later. A few questions I had for you are these:

  • Is Satan lurching around the corner? Is he hanging around, messing with your life in some way as well?
  • What do you do when you have Satan lurching around the corner, ready to devour you?
  • Where do you go and how do you process so that you can stay strong for Christ?

I believe these are important questions to ask and try to figure out so that when Satan does put on the full court press, we are ready and will be able to stand firm for the Lord. As Paul reminds us in Ephesians 6:10-18, our battle is not in flesh and blood, but "against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms" (Ephesians 6:12).  Therefore, we have to be on our guard, ready to respond.  We have to remember at all times that our enemy is powerful, but OUR LORD HAS BEEN AND WILL CONTINUE TO BE VICTORIOUS!  No matter what Satan brings at you, you can overcome in the power of the Lord.

So, right now, TAKE A MINUTE and...

  1. Pray! Pray for yourself and others around you so that all believers and ministers can cling to Christ and stand strong for him despite the numerous and unexpected attacks by Satan.
  2. Be on guard. Satan will attack at any time. Keep roadblocks in place so that you do not give him a foothold to use against you in any way. Be a man or woman of integrity at all times and be pursuing Christ always.

If you have thoughts or encouragement about this topic, please post them so that we can all be encouraged and inspired to pursue the Lord all the more. I am praying for you all. May God bless your work.

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6Nov/090

What kind of Support Structure do you have?

As Youth Pastors, believers, husbands/wives, fathers, sometimes people with 2nd jobs, we have to juggle a lot.  I actually thought that when I got my first smartphone 3 years ago that I was going to be able to juggle things better and be more effective.  Boy, was I wrong. The problem I have felt many times is that I could be doing a great job - working 50-60 hours a week, meeting up and encouraging students, being really productive with my office time, YET still feel that you are letting people down and have no one to share with.  Have you ever felt this way before?

The question I ask is, what kind of support structure do I have?  For me, I have found being in partnership with other Youth Pastors and having a team of adults from the church to surround myself with have been very helpful.  It is great to have a friend who happens to be a Youth Pastor so I can vent to and talk things out with. He is someone who will be able to identify with exactly what I am going through and help me process things out.  Youth Ministry Networks are great to go to, but I find that individual, one-on-one times with other Youth Pastors as much more beneficial for me as there is a better chance to develop friendship and be real.

In the past, I have had an Adult Support Team that consists of men in the Church whose primary purpose is to help me process as I make critical decisions for our youth program.  They are people with strong business backgrounds and help me make some critical management decisions. However, as much as they help me process Church decisions, they help me more personally. We spend time talking about ways they can support and help me, Tom Pounder, and my family. They encourage me in my walk with Christ and spend time praying for my family and I.  This has been an extremely helpful group for me to be involved in.  That group has changed over the years and although I still do not meet with them as whole, I still meet with them all individually and is just has helpful and they are just as supportive and encouraging to me as ever before.

But, just as important as having someone for you, we need to have the support for our families.  There is nothing worse than having a family who feels that they are apart of the church (or even para-church organization) but not really apart of the church - they are more just apart of things because they are your spouse and family. Youth Pastors tend to work crazy, inconsistent hours, which drives our closest allies (our families and friends) nuts at times. Think about it, we work breakfasts, lunches, dinners, late nights, weekends, basically all hours of the day.  Some days, we’ll have the morning free, but then be out until 10 pm.  The very next day, we could be out at 5 am and back by noon.  Because of our very flexible, but inconsistent work days and weeks, we often leave our families without any consistency to rely on.  Therefore, it is equally important to have people come alongside our spouses and families as well.  These are people who can help out in a variety of ways.  For my family, this group of support helps out with babysitting, making an occasional meal or has even gotten my wife a Starbucks coffee before.  Any way this group helps my family shows them that they understand and that they care about my family just as much as they care about their crazy Youth Pastor.

Right now, TAKE A MINUTE and...

  1. Examine what kind of support structure you have.  Do you have people in place to support you, your ministry and your family?  Are there people in the Church who you could ask to be that support?
  2. Are you apart of a Youth Ministry Network?  If so, and if you aren't meeting with other individual Youth Minister regularly, pick out 1 or 2 who you could meet up with outside of that meeting (this should be a no-brainer, but make sure that other Youth Minister is the same sex as you).

I have found that when you have people around you to support you and your family, it is such a blessing.  If you do not have people in place now for you, your ministry and your family, now is the perfect time to do it.

Are there other ways people can support you?  If so, post them so we can all benefit.

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20Apr/090

Being on Guard

In my last post, "Staying Connected", I highlighted the benefits of being connected in the digital, mobile world.  I still believe it is very importance for us to be connected.  HOWEVER, in Sunday's Washington Post, I was reminded that for every good thing to help us minister better, there are pitfalls and opportunities for Satan to mess with us and prevent us from being as effective as we need to be.

Please take a minute to read this article.  It actually involves an Assistant Principle at the local High School in my town.  Even thought it involves an Assistant Principle (not a person in ministry), I couldn't help but think that this could be any of us!

I hope you can take time to read this article as it cause me to make sure I am on Guard.

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16Apr/092

Staying Connected

Can you picture your first computer? What did it look like and what could you do on it? Do you remember the first time you connected to the internet? How long did it take you to go from page to page? Can you picture your first cell phone? What did it look like and what were its capabilities? How about the first time you sent an email, how weird was that? When was the first time you tried a digital camera?

The world has changed so much since our first computers, cell phones and the first time we got on the web or sent an email. Our desktop computers have turned into small, thin laptops. Our clunky, gray screened cell phones have turned into mini-computers that have many different functions. The internet has gone from a slow, fun thing to do to a must have information mega-tool. We have gone from having tons of pictures in albums to storing them on CDs and on the internet. Technology has changed so much of how we function today. We have become a digital, mobile world where people are doing all sorts of things in the palms of their hands. The question is, are you connected to it?

Why does a youth pastor have to be connected digitally? For starters, this is a great way to stay connected with teens. In a recent cnet.com article, it stated that “advertisers are clamoring to reach teens in digital environments because that's where they're spending much of their time--either online, with cell phones or playing video games.” Take a quick look around your youth program. How many of your students are on facebook, have a smartphone where they are texting, checking email, surfing the web, taking pictures and sending them to their friends or are tweeting something or another. Today’s youth are connected to the digital world. It is a primary source of communication for them and a perfect opportunity for you to stay connected to them.

Secondly, as a relational based ministry, we need to be out with students. But, at the same time, we have to be in the office doing administrative work, planning and answering calls and/or emails. By being mobile and connected digitally, you can be with students while also being able to receive important emails or calls as needed. I know Youth Pastors are not CEOs of huge companies where their immediate response is vital, but I do believe it is important to be able to be reached at any time.

Now, there are always exceptions to the rule. My friend Robbie Pruitt, the Youth Pastor at the Church of Epiphany in Herndon, VA, DOES NOT have a cell phone. In his overly exaggerated and entirely too long of a list of reasons why, he does have some solid reasons. For instance, he said that by not having a cell phone it causes him to plan ahead better and it allows him to be with people rather than always having a phone ring when he is spending time in a meeting with others. He also said that he has an office and phone line and he checks his voicemails and his email regularly. These are all very good reasons why not to have a cell phone.

However, the fact that Robbie does not have a cell phone does not mean that he is not connected. He carries his laptop around everywhere and prefers email. He also stays connected to his youth and others through his blogs (one of them is My Two Mites - http://robbiepruitt.blogspot.com) and facebook. Even thought Robbie does not own a cell phone does not mean that he is not connected. The point is that we live in a mobile, connected world. If we are not connected in some form or another, then we are missing opportunities to engage people in today’s world.

How can you be digital/mobile? Here are just a few ways you can become digital:

  • Start a Facebook account, if you haven’t already (MySpace is out). This social network is free and is great, not only to connect with students but also your friends and other Youth Pastors
  • Get a Smartphone (or at least text messaging and email ability)
  • Use a Laptop
  • Take more digital pictures and videos and post them online so everyone can see them. Facebook is great for this.

I know it is easy to say that you need all these things in order to be digital and work in a mobile world. The fact is, as Robbie has pointed out, you do not need all these items, but I do believe that you do need some of them to stay engaged in the culture. The bigger question is how can you afford all these things, especially working at a smaller church/organization with a limited budget from your youth program? I have never worked with a budget of more than $15,000 before and I know that you can these supplies. It may just take a little creativeness on your part.

Here are some ways you can creatively stay connected with a limited budget.

  • Find out exactly what your budget is and where you are spending money. See if there may be wasteful spending and if any funds can be reallocated into different, more necessary areas.
  • Post a Needs List at your church. There may be business men/women who have an older model laptop or phone they can give you. Or, they may have a new one that they want to give you. A few years ago a parent called me up to see if I needed a brand new PDA that he had just gotten. I did not need it, but another Staff member at our office did so he gave it to her. People are generous and want to give, especially when there is a need. However, if we never let anyone know our needs, we may never find out exactly how generous they can be.
  • Write a Needs Proposal to your Church Leadership about these specific needs. If your church/ministry wants you to be with students, this is a perfect way to reach them and stay connected to administrative needs at the same time. You may not have enough money to get all these things from your youth budget, but the Church should have office and administrative money they could pull from. My suggestion is to not get greedy and try to get the most expensive MacBook Pro or a $300 smartphone with the most applications. As you examine your needs, you will be able identify what devices you need to be successful. Then, you can formally go before your Church Leadership, Board or Elders to make a proposal for these items. The key here is to outline exactly why you need these items.

As you get engaged with these items to help you be more efficient and reach more students, I want to issue a word of caution on being connected. Having these products is great because you are connected all the time. In the same way, it can also be a bad thing that you are connected all the time. For example, in Exodus 20:8-10a, God says, “Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your manservant or maidservant, nor your animals, nor the alien within your gates.” Just because we are connected, does not mean that we have to have technology physically connected to us all the time. When it is your day off, take a day off. Don’t answer your phone, check your email or even facebook. When we do this, we are working and not keeping the Sabbath as God commands us to.

Secondly, as Robbie mentioned, when we are too connected all the time, we can lose sight of important relationships. For instance, nothing drives my wife crazier when I get home at night than when I answer text messages, phone calls or emails. She feels that even thought I am physically home, in all reality, I am not because I am checking these things. As good as technology is for us to be connected to others, take time to rest, re-energize and focus on those closest to you. Do not become a slave to technology.

TAKE A MINUTE and…

  1. Take an inventory of your digital, mobile needs. What do you currently have and what do you need?
  2. Start researching what Mobile devices you need to get. What are their functions and prices.
  3. Get connected!

Like this, hate this or have thoughts on this, post a comment.

Sources:

http://news.cnet.com/8301-1023_3-9991979-93.html?tag=nefd.top

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8Apr/092

Partner with Other Ministries and Churches

In 1984, John Lasseter left his job at Disney animation and formed a company with George Lucas as apart of Lucasfilm, LTD. In 1986, Steve Jobs, of Apple Computer fame, bought this department from Lucasfilm and created an independent company called Pixar. Over the course of the next few years, Pixar released many short films at Siggraph, winning many awards. They also made commercials with companies such as Tropicana and Listerine. Then, in 1991, Pixar teamed up with Disney to form 3 feature length films and a partnership was formed that eventually led to Disney buying Pixar in 2006.

One of the main reasons why John left Disney for Pixar was because of the computer animation. Computer animation was an up and coming development in animation and since Disney was not going to be part of the early form of computer animation, John went to Pixar where he developed tons of commercials, short stories and movies. Over the course of the next decade, Pixar ended up putting together such great blockbusters as Cars, Toy Story 1 & 2 and Monsters, Inc. In the meantime, Disney did not have a blockbuster animation hit since The Lion King in 1994. Pixar produced better stories accompanied with better animation. Because of this, Disney ultimately choose to buy out Pixar and thus, John Lasseter returned to Disney, now serving as the Chief Creative Officer.

In many ways, the Pixar/Disney story is similar to the Para-church/Church story. Disney represents churches and Pixar represents Para-church ministries. Para-church ministries are started for a variety of reasons. They could have wanted to be interdenominational to reach more people, or maybe they wanted creative freedom than what a Church allows or simply wanted to focus on a specific purpose. Whatever the reason was for starting it, para-church ministries were not started to compete with Churches.

Young Life, like many other great para-church organizations was designed to be an aid and to assist the Church. Jim Rayburn, the founder of Young Life, started out as an Associate Pastor in Texas. His Senior Pastor gave him the charge to go out and reach unchurched teens in hopes to bring them to the Church. Out of that mission and assignment, Young Life was formed. Despite this intent, I have heard of so many Youth Pastors who are threatened by Young Life or feel that they are “stealing” their students away. This kind of mindset is what I believe is a key hindrance between Para-churches and Churches having healthy, working relationships together. When we allow this mindset to take hold, God’s kingdom suffers because we fight against each other rather than with each other.

When I first got to Cedar Run, I had just come off an over 4-year employment with Young Life. Although I left Young Life, it was not for any negative reason. Now, as a Youth Pastor of a small – medium sized church, I knew I needed some help in reaching students for Christ. Therefore, when Mike Miller became the Area Director of Young Life in my area, I set up a time to meet with him. Mike and I knew each other from my time with Young Life and I had a lot of respect for him, even thought he regularly beat me at Frisbee golf during our 3 week Young Life training. Out of that first conversation with him, I realized that I wanted to form a partnership with him. Over the past 4 years, we have partnered on leadership training, ministering to students with disabilities and now we are preparing to do a Discipleship day for our students together. It has been a great partnership.

Partnering with other churches is just as important as partnering with other ministries.

Have you ever gotten an invite from another Church for a special event and wonder, “Don’t they know I’m a Youth Pastor, too. Why would you invite me to something at your church?” Maybe it is just me, but I have wondered this many times before as I get those fliers in my church mailbox. However, I quickly correct myself as I realize just why these churches are doing this. It is because they wanted me to take advantage of something they were doing. They did not want to “steal” my students away. They simply want me to be apart of it so that you could use it as a tool for my ministry and students. As Youth Pastors and Ministers at small – medium sized churches or organizations, we have to take advantage of these opportunities.

Just like with para-church ministries, there are too many times when we feel that we can not work with other churches. I know it is easier for churches in the same denomination to work together and unite for trips and activities. But, is it really a mortal sin for a Methodist youth group to be associated with a Baptist one? Why is that? What if we don’t have other churches in our denomination close enough to unite? Do not get caught up in thinking that just because you are the head youth leader, you cannot and should not work with others, that you owe it to your church to plan a great event alone. When we choose to be the lone ranger and go after these students by ourselves, we miss plenty of opportunities to unite students together and spur them on in Christ.

Partnering with other ministries and churches are great for a variety of other reasons. First, you all may be trying to reach the same students. By partnering with others, you can eliminate the overlap and be united to reach these students for Christ better. For instance, Mike Miller and I have a lot of the same students involved in our programs. When we partner together we have better success as we are not unintentionally competing against each other with similar events. Secondly, it brings Youth Pastors and Ministers together. As I have mentioned in a previous post, it stinks to be the lone ranger. When you are partnering with others, it unites two or more people together who are trying to do that same accomplish similar goals. Thirdly, it unites students together and gives them a bigger picture of the kingdom of God. For example, maybe Johnny goes to First Baptist and Luke goes to First Methodist, but they both go to the same school. They may not know they are both Believers, but if you join together for an event, they will realize that there is another Believer at their school who can encourage and support them. What a great opportunity for them to connect! Lastly, it combines resources. In a non-mega church, your budget can be limited. By joining together with others you can split the cost of doing a stellar event. You benefit, students benefit and most importantly, Christ is proclaimed.

A word of caution – DO NOT PARTNER FOR THE SAKE OF PARTNERING. I believe partnerships are great, but do not sacrifice your core values and beliefs just to join together. There has to be a right mix of personalities and missions in order for this to be helpful. Had I tried to partner with Young Life the year before Mike got there, it would not have worked. Not only were there differences in personalities but also there were differences in vision that would not have made it successful. Therefore, when you are looking at partnering with other ministries and churches, do not partner for the sake of partnering, make sure that the Lord has opened a door for you to go through. If the Lord is not opening this door, it will only lead to frustration and conflict.

TAKE A MINUTE and…

  1. Find out what para-church ministries are in your area. Find out what their purpose is and if there is any commonality between your church and their organization. Some youth specific ones are Young Life, FCA and Youth for Christ’s Campus Life. If there is a local office of any of these groups in your area, pick up the phone and call the Area Director to set up a “get to know” meeting.
  2. Give a Youth Pastor from another church a call and set up a time for you to get to know each other.

Know this, by setting up a meeting with them, does not mean you have to partner with them. It is just an opportunity to get to know them. Out of that conversation, a partnership may develop. But, unless you start the process of first getting to know them, you will never know.

Sources:

  • www.harrymccracken.com/luxo.htm
  • www.pixar.com/history

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24Mar/091

Assessing where YOU are at

I love football. Whether it is college or the pros, I can’t wait for it to get started and to see how my favorite teams do during the course of the year.

At the end of each season, one of the first items of business football teams do is to spend time evaluating how the season went. Sure, they do evaluating over the course of the year and make adjustments as needed. But, at the end of the year, they sit back with all the coaches, players, owners or Athletic Directors and go through the year and evaluate what needs to be changed and what needs to stay the same for the upcoming year.

In the same way, Youth Pastors and Ministers need to be evaluating constantly. Whether you have been at your church a long time or are just now starting, it is vitally important to take an assessment of where your program is at and what needs to be changed. In order to move forward, you have to be able to look critically at yourself and your ministry. That is what I did at each of the ministries I was at. Whether I was just starting at a new ministry or had been there a while, I wanted to either take an initial assessment as to what I was getting into or seek to make changes in what we were currently doing.

This assessment process is divided into two parts – You and Your Ministry (this will be next week's post).

You, Personally:

In order to take a good assessment of your ministry, you have to first start by looking at the head honcho – YOU! This seems obvious and I hope that this is something you do regularly, but I have found often in my life that I do not do this nearly enough. As a Youth Minister doing this for over a decade, I realize that I can be set in my ways and feel that the way I have been leading myself and others is the right way. Do not get trapped into this thinking as this kind of mindset can do more harm than help.

Take this time of evaluation as an opportunity to examine your heart and open yourself back up to God and his ways. Isaiah 55:8 says, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord”. God’s plan and path are often different than ours. So, how do you align yourself with God’s plan and make sure you are walking down the same path with him? These are some self-examination questions you can be asking yourself (in no particular order):

  • How are you doing with Christ? Are you spending time with Christ daily?
  • Are you being taught weekly (at Church or through a small group)?
  • Are you surrounded by people who will challenge you and hold you accountable in Christ?
  • How is your heart? Are you in ministry for the right reasons? Do you have the passion to take students to that next level?
  • How is the balance in your life? Are you balancing your personal, family and ministry lives well? In order to be truly effective, we have to have balance in these areas.

These are not the only questions you can be asking yourself in your personal, self-evaluation, but it is a start. In fact, these all may seem like no-brainers, but when was the last time you asked yourself these types of questions? When was the last time someone else asked you these questions? Again, as I have found out about myself that when I fail to ask myself these questions, I suffer. When I suffer, my ministry suffers and most of all, the students suffer.

As great as personal evaluation is for us, this can also be challenging. The main challenge I have found is that we are in ministry! After all, we are put into a position of authority and are being paid to do a job – lead others in Christ. Shouldn’t we have our act together? No, we will never have our act all together. But, because you are in this position, you need to be in evaluating yourself and being held accountable just as much as any other. I know this can be hard as I have heard too many times of people in ministry being vulnerable with others and getting burned because of it. But, in order to be effective for Christ, you have to find others you can trust and share openly with.

To encourage me in my life and my relationship with Christ, I began to develop 3 different sets of relationships. They have helped me examine my heart, be accountable and have given me that extra kick in the pants that I desperately needed.

1. The first relationship I developed was with my Associate Pastor. For some, a relationship with your Associate Pastor may not work, but this is a natural person for me to connect with as we have a lot in common. We are able to talk about life, ministry and our relationship with Christ. I would not say that we have the deepest of relationships yet, but by meeting with him in an informal setting, we are able to digest life and ministry issues that push me in my relationship with Christ. The more we meet, the more I trust him and know that he is for me as a person.

2. The second set of relationships is with two other men who DO NOT go to my Church who I am being held accountable to. For the longest time, I did not have anyone to hold me accountable regularly. This was primarily because of the reason I mentioned above – I’ve heard of too many people being burned by sharing with others in their own Church. But, by being working alone in ministry for so long, I have realized that I needed people to challenge me in Christ and hold me accountable. Therefore, I jumped at the chance to form this new group with these two others. It has really helped a lot and I know that they do not just care about me as someone who is a Minister. They care about me as a follower of Christ, a husband and a father and I know that they are going to ask me the hard questions and challenge me so that I can be all that I Christ desires of me.

3. The last set is with some other Youth Pastors in the area. Let’s face it, ministry stinks when you do it alone. I have 3 part-time Interns that work with me right now, but I need to stress Part-Time. That is why developing relationships with these other Youth Pastors in the area has been so encouraging for me. We get together and chat about ministry, but also personal stuff. It is great to realize that you are not the only person who is dealing with or struggling through a certain situation. As we talk about life together, it challenges me to step up my game in areas I may struggle with. The more I meet with other Youth Ministers, the more I benefit.

The phrase I hear all the time is “You can only take students as far as you are allowing God to work in you”. Have you heard that one before? I bet you have. But, it is very true. If we fail to self-evaluate ourselves by looking at our heart and relationship with Christ, we will not be as effective as we need to be. We NEED that encouragement and extra challenge we get when we are being pushed and encouraged in Christ. Are you asking yourself these hard questions and making sure that you, personally, are being objective in your evaluation of yourself? Are you surrounding yourself with others so that you are fit to do the work God has called you to?

TAKE A MINUTE and…

1. Continue to seek Christ! Each day we fail to intentionally seek him and follow him, we fail to strengthen ourselves, thus fail to strengthen others.

2. If you do not have people to hold you accountable regularly, identify people in your life who can push and encourage you in your relationship with Christ. Then, call them up and see if they can get together and talk about life. Do not wait for people to call you, seek them out.

3. Identify youth ministers in your area who you can meet with. Then, set up a meeting. Just because you meet once does not mean you have to be soul buddies with them forever. It may take you a few attempts to build a relationship or for you to find the right youth minister to connect with. But, call some up and meet with them. You will benefit.

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9Mar/093

Surround Yourself with Parents

“Parents? What do we need parents for? They are just going to try to control what I do and turn a fun event into something boring. Teens will NOT want to come to an event where their parents are.” That was my mentality for the first 5-6 years of my youth work. I never really wanted parents to be involved as I felt it was my job to take the burden off of them and support them in their efforts to raise Christlike teens. Have you ever felt that way?

I wish I could say that my mindset instantly changed once I got to Cedar Run but it did not. However, my mentality began to gradually change once I got there to the point now where I have consistent parental involvement in our youth program.

What changed? My thought process. In the years before, I kept on looking for reasons why parents should not be involved and how they would negatively impact our group. But, as a non-mega-church, I had to stop looking at the negatives and start looking at the positives. If we were going to have the impact I desired, I realized that we needed parents to be more involved. As I had parents more involved I saw the benefits they offered.

Some of the benefits I have seen having parents involved were:

  1. They could be a positive role model, showing teens that parents do care and are involved, in a healthy way, in the life of their children
  2. When asked, parents step up and are reliable. Parents want to help. After all, they help with sport teams, school activities and community events. Why wouldn’t they be able to help with church stuff?
  3. By having parents involved in some way, it promotes your event and hopefully you will draw more students to whatever you are doing.
  4. It takes the burden off of you to do one more thing. For instance, providing food for an event. If parents help out, you can focus on other details of the event rather than wondering how you are going to get the right amount of food.

The benefits of having parents involved are there. The question is, are you utilizing them? For me, a simple change in my thought process has made all the difference.

Two Kinds of Involvement

I believe there are 2 kinds of parental involvement you can have. The first one is General Involvement. This is where any parent can participate and help out. There are plenty of opportunities for this kind of involvement to take place. If you need snacks or drinks for a youth event, you could have any of your parents help you out. Another way they can help is for special events. For example, in order to make our Super Bowl Bash a no cost event, we have parents provide all the food. Not only is it home-cooked and better than take-out, but then the parents get to see the huge turnout and see, if just briefly, our ministry in action.

Another way parents can help you and your ministry is by supporting your family. That’s right, I said it, supporting your family. Youth Pastors and Ministers work odd hours and days, but that is our calling. In the same way, parents have callings too and it might just be to serve you! Imagine that, someone serving you for a change. I have had numerous offers by parents who actually wanted to babysit my 4 beautiful daughters for free or offer a meal, especially during a rough week. We have to allow these ministers to serve us. Do not let pride get in your way of them serving you. However, I do want to caution you, do not try to take advantage of other’s spiritual gift and hospitality. I know we do not get paid much, but that is no reason to take advantage and abuse the goodness of others. Remember, it is ultimately the Lord who will meet all your needs (Philippians 4:16). Allow parents to support you AND your family, but we wise in not taking advantage of their generosity.

The second kind is Core Involvement. Core Involvement is a group of parents you select to help you. This is NOT for everyone. These are parents who are strong supporters of the youth program and are ones you have built a relationship with. In addition, these are parents who:

  • Are caring individuals who support you and want to help and serve you and your family
  • Have a healthy family life (as healthy as can be known – no family is perfect, but hopefully you can identify families that are more healthy than others)
  • Have excellent spiritual lives – you will benefit from their conviction and commitment to Christ

The purpose of your Core Involvement parents is two-fold. First, they are to help you process ministry issues, decisions and direction. At non-Mega-Churches, it is highly unlikely that you will have multiple staff to bounce ideas off of and process information. By having these parents, you will be able to process these issues and decisions that come up with others who want the best for the program. Keep in mind, though, that you are still the ultimate decider on issues. You want parents involved but you have to be the one who has the final say. Otherwise, as great as they may be, these parents may feel that they choose the direction of the program and you could have a whole new set of problems on your hands.

At Cedar Run, I was blessed as we had some people who started, ran and held high positions in businesses in the area. They were well educated, successful and knew what it took to run a profitable business. In addition, they were huge supports of my family and me. So, I gathered these men (it started with 2 and eventually became a core of 4 after 2 years) and we began meeting together every 2-3 weeks to catch up on the latest news in the ministry, check in how they could help my family and me personally and how we are doing in fulfilling the mission of the youth program. Each area that we covered was important because it kept them up to speed on the latest news and it helped me process how to best manage the youth program. Having these men involved in helping me process has been invaluable to me!

If you do not have these types of people in your church, John Fontanella, from Gateway Community Church in Herndon, VA, told me the other day how he was tackling this issue. He is getting ready to enroll in an MBA program to help him be an effective manager of his youth program. What a great idea! As he explained his reasons, it made perfect sense as Youth Pastors are great at relational ministry, but management is not always our strong suit. As your ministry grows and your duties expand, you are going to need to focus more time and energy on management of people and direction and less on direct ministry. I know that relationships are the main reason we got into youth ministry, but if we overlook this key training and help, we will not be as effective as we can and should be. Whether you find a core group of men walk side-by-side with you or you decide to enroll in an MBA program, this can be extremely helpful. (By the way, John gave me the go ahead to for you all to email him with any and all questions about the MBA program - jfontanella@gatewaychurch.org).

Secondly, your Core Involvement parents help promote the youth ministry and events to other parents in and outside the church. I have found that even thought I have informative newsletters and send out weekly emails to parents, a good amount of parents still do not know what exactly we do and why we do it. Therefore, having this core team of parents adds just one more way for the parents to be hearing what is happening in the youth program. The great thing about this is that parents are hearing about this from excited parents! That goes a long way because they are not hearing it from me, but from a parent, just like themselves.

I believe that we all need a core group of parents to help us in our work. Whether it is a core group of men that help you process ministry or a group of parents (4-6) that meet every other month to go over upcoming events and news it does not matter. The key is that you surround yourself with some people to help you be more effective. This group enables that to happen.

Thinking Outside the Box

Have you ever thought about doing contact work with parents? That was thinking outside the box for me as I never would have dreamed or even desired to do contact work with parents. But, now I wish I could say that I came up with this idea. My Senior Pastor asked me to do this as he felt that this not only helps parents feel that they know what is going on in the youth program, it also allows me to get the pulse of the families in our Church and challenges they may or may not be having. It could be a simple phone call or email. Or, it could be a time where you go over and meet the parents and sit down with them. The point is that by doing this, you show them that you care about them and their needs. Plus, you may get some great insights on students and family issues that you would not normally have known about. As great as this opportunity may be, do not be offended if parents did not respond, maybe they do not have anything to talk about. The point is that you offered and by offering, you showed them that you cared.

As I have learned over the years, parental involvement is key to youth ministry. It may have taken some time to start using their help, but when you have the parents helping and committing time and effort into your ministry, you AND the student will be blessed.

TAKE A MINUTE and…

  1. Identify your needs and seek parents to help as part of your General Involvement. You may need admin help, food needs, planning help or something completely different. Whatever it is, identify your needs and seek these parents for help in those areas.
  1. Identify 2-3 parents who have a child or children in your youth program that can be apart your Core Involvement Group. They can come along side you and help you process and set the course for the youth program.
  1. Start doing contact work with parents of your youth. Ask them to coffee or lunch and share with them your vision and desire for students. Who knows, out of that time, you may have much more support from them now that you have spent time with them and shared your vision and heart. This has benefited me so much as parents feel heard and that you value them.

Like this? Hate this? Have thoughts? Post a comment.

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