Not A Mega Church? Building a Youth Ministry that Lasts no matter what size Church you are!

23Jul/100

GUEST POST: Beyond our Sandbox

This GUEST POST comes from Mark Seager.  Mark is the Associate Pastor at Cedar Run Community Church in Herndon, VA.  He is a very gifted communicator as his passion for the Lord and people to come to know him is evident in all he does.  Secretly, I've been trying to get him to blog & write more often, but no such luck yet :)

When the Israelites assembled on the bank of the Jordan River posed to enter the Promised Land they were exhorted to Dwell on God’s Word, trust God recklessly and remember their fellow countrymen.  Much ink and breath has been expended in expounding the first two points, but it was the third point that stood out to me in Joshua 1:12-15 (NLT):

12 Then Joshua called together the tribes of Reuben, Gad, and the half-tribe of Manasseh. He told them, 13 “Remember what Moses, the servant of the Lord, commanded you: ‘The Lord your God is giving you a place of rest. He has given you this land.’
14 Your wives, children, and livestock may remain here in the land Moses assigned to you on the east side of the Jordan River. But your strong warriors, fully armed, must lead the other tribes across the Jordan to help them conquer their territory. Stay with them 15until the Lord gives them rest, as he has given you rest, and until they, too, possess the land the Lord your God is giving them. Only then may you return and settle here on the east side of the Jordan River in the land that Moses, the servant of the Lord, assigned to you.”

The three tribes allocated land east of the Jordan were told that even though they may have settled in their territories, the job was not finished until their compatriots wer in their lands.  This is an important concept for any team to remember.  Most organizations are staffed with people operating with different job descriptions.  Each team member has (or should have!) their own set of duties, tasks, and responsibilities.  (Good organizations place  people where they’re competent.)   Job descriptions define our role on the team and remind me of sandboxes.  Have you ever seen 2-year olds play in sandboxes?  They’re usually territorial and don’t want to give up any of “their” turf to another.  Sadly in many teams don’t function as teams — everyone stays in their sandbox.  Jealously guarding budget dollars and our sense of self worth.  But the warriors of Reuben, Gad, and Manasseh (the Eastern dudes) were told not to be content with staying in their sandboxes.  Instead, they were to help the other players to get their territories.   Real teamwork means thinking beyond our own sandboxes and looking to the overarching mission of the larger team.  In this case it was not enough to conquer the territories east of the Jordan; the Eastern dudes had to help the rest of the team.   The job is not done once our job is done.

In churchworld, we must remember that we are part of a bigger effort to advance the Kingdom that spills beyond our sandbox.  Our “Promised Land”, our mission is develping mature Christians through evangelism and discipleship.  This mandate is huge so we try the divide-and-conquer approach; separating ministry by affinity group (e.g. children, singles, boomers, etc.) and style of ministry (e.g. small group, music, etc.).  While there’s some benefits to breaking our mission into bite size chunks, we lose out when we confine ourselves to our sandboxes.  Its important to see ourselves as Joshua addressed the tribes — parts of a bigger picture.

Having said that, it is annoying when others who are not experts on the matters of our sandboxes jump in with their opinions and suggestions.  So how do we play in eachother’s sandboxes without invading them?  After discussing this at our staff meeting, some things popped to mind:

  • Remember there’s more to our mission than just our sandbox
  • Humility in giving and receiving advice
  • Informed prayer:  This only flows from trusting relationships on the team.
  • Recognize that ministries ebb and flow — don’t develp a culture of comparison and competition within the team.
  • Ask other teammates how things are goin in their sandbox.  Anything you can do or pray for them?

Let’s learn from the example of Joshua 1 and think beyond our sandboxes.  God’s work is far bigger than each of our job description.  We must be willing and available to play in eachothers’ sandboxes (without being unwanted sandbox invaders) for the cause of our main mission; developing mature Christians for the glory of God!

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24Jun/100

The N.B.A. Finals and Ministry Teams Collide


I'm not a basketball fan, but I must admit, I'm was hooked on the NBA Finals this year.  I loved seeing 2 legendary rivals go head-to-head against each other, battling minute by minute in effort to gain the championship trophy.  The Lakers had Kobe trying, and eventually succeeding, to win his 5th NBA title while Boston had the Big 3 - Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen and Paul Pierce trying to win their 2nd title together.  Again, even though I am not a basketball fan, I really did watch a lot of that final series with great interest.

Looking at how these 2 teams were assembled and function made me think of Ministry Leadership Teams.  Here is what I mean by that.

The Boston Celtic's "Big 3" consist of Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen and Paul Pierce.  While Kobe is still in his prime and could single handedly carry his team to victory, the Big 3 are on the later ends of their careers.  While they are still effective, they are not the solo stars that they once were.  They could no longer be the center pieces alone by themselves.  They needed each other equally to achieve their goal of a championship.  Although they failed this year, they proved they can win together by winning the championship in 2008 and returning to the finals again this year.

The Lakers are built rather differently.  They are centered around Kobe Bryant, arguably the best player in the N.B.A. right now (and maybe ever, but that is a debate for another day).  To me, the Lakers formed their team similar to how many churches look to form a youth ministry team - they look for the superstar and try to build around the superstar.  Kobe represents the Superstar Youth Minister (or Superstar College/Young Adult Minister).  As I posted a week ago here, I do not believe centering your ministry around a superstar youth ministers is a good ministry model to have.  If Kobe had a bad night or 2, that could have potentially cost the Lakers a chance at winning the championship.  Fortunately for them it they still won, but too much depends on him alone.  There is too much focus on that 1 person.

In the same way, Youth and Young Adult Ministry Teams need to be exactly that - TEAMS.  They can not be dependent on just 1 person.  Sure, every ministry team needs a Head Leader, but to expect that person to single-handedly produce superstar results week in and week out is unrealistic.  That is where a well-equipped and trained team comes into play.  The Celtics, even though they failed to win the championship this year, have a great model in place.  They formed a team that complimented each other and added different strengths to the TEAM.  So together, as a unit, they were great.  They didn't rely solely on 1 player to pull them through.  That means that unlike the Lakers, if one of the "Big 3" players had an off night or got injured (as Kevin Garnett did earlier in the year, it would not have as big of an impact.

So, when you are looking at forming your Youth or Young Adult TEAM, here are some things to keep in mind:

  1. Find people who are teachable.  Youth and Young Adult are an ever changing demographic.  As they change, our strategy to reach them must change (Please note, I said strategy, not philosophy).  We must adapt as they adapt.  That means, we need people who are willing to learn and adapt with them.  Ministry team members who get stuck into a certain "way" or pattern of doing things, who believes they know the 100% right way to do ministry is not someone who is going to be helpful to your ministry goals.  You need people who are willing to learn and try new things for the sake of the kingdom.  Just because it worked in the '90s doesn't mean it can work today.
  2. Find people who are flexible and can roll with the punches.  There is nothing normal about Youth and Young Adult ministry.  You may have early morning breakfasts with students, lunch or even late night movies. You may dress up 1 night for a luau and the next night give an in-depth Bible study.  You may also have something planned to minister to 40 students, but only a few people show up.  What do you do then?  You have to be flexible and roll with the punches.  If something does not go as planned, that does not mean that God will not and cannot use it for His glory.  He can do anything, we just have to be flexible, go with it and see where the Lord leads and what He chooses to do with it.
  3. Don't just target 1 type of leader.  The key word is diversity!  Do not just look for all young adults to lead your team.  Look for everyone - parents, singles, young/old married couples, college students.  It doesn't matter. For example, even though Celtic Big 3 worked together great, they had additional help.  In particular, they had this young, very talented player named Rondo.  Rondo is a young gun who energized and inspired the rest of the team with his play.  In the same way, you need a diverse team to reach all students.  That means you need to look for diversity in ethnic background as well.  Again, to reach all students, that means you need to have all types of leaders to reach them.  Do not limit what God can do with all sorts of people who have all sorts of backgrounds.

So, as you are looking at forming or adding to your ministry team, take into consideration the above 3 suggestions.  They are not the only 3 suggestions you should consider, but they are 3 that I have learned over the years that do make a big difference.

TAKE A MINUTE right now and look at the above 3 suggestions and see how your team stacks up against them.  Do you have people who are teachable, flexible and diverse?  If not, what do you need to do to find team members like that?  Also, how can you help train your team to be like that?  Finally, pray to God that he can provide you additional team members to reach the students He has blessed you with.

If you have a thought or comment, please post one so that we can all benefit from your experience.

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17Jun/102

Transitioning H.S. students into College Ministry

Gotta love the old school 90210 - Life changed a lot for them when they moved from h.s. to college

Every year that I have been a Youth Pastor, I have organized a High School Graduation Recognition event that formally recognizes all the graduates as they move into a new stage in their life.  As I transition this summer into focusing on college and young adult ministry, I believe that it is vitally important that we transition high school graduates into this new stage in life well and provide them an opportunity to stay connected to the body of Christ.  Too many students graduate into college and then fall off the face of the earth rarely ever to return to Church and a relationship with Christ again.  As youth, college and young adult ministers, we have to be the bridge that closes the gap between high school and adulthood.

In light of this, here are just a few ways I thought of how we can transition high school graduates into college ministry:

  • Start by building & continuing relationships. Believe me, I know that with limited resources and time commitments, it can be very difficult to start a college ministry.  If you don't have a college ministry, you don't have to start big and have a huge program immediately.  In fact, in all the things that I am learning, it is probably best for you not to start with a program at all. You need to start with relationships.  That way you are keeping college students connected in relationships/friendships that they had throughout high school. And, hopefully, it will keep them connected into the life of the Church.  Even at church on Sunday mornings, make it a priority to connect with the college students and even sit together during Church.  Then go out to lunch afterwards.  Starting small is ok, as long as you are just starting and building those relationships.
  • Have a H.S. Graduation Recognition & Celebration. This is an opportunity for you, as the church, to recognize the achievement of the high school graduates in your congregation.  You can recognize them during the church service and then you can celebrate their achievement after the service with a lunch.  It is at that celebration that you invite the current college students and young adults in your congregation to come as well.  By having the college students and young adults come, you are doing 2 things: 1. giving everyone a vision for being involved in a new, up and coming ministry that your church is excited about and 2. connecting current and new students together. The college students get to interact them with the rising students while hopefully encouraging them in important life lessons they learned during the day.  It can be a great lunch for developing and building relationships.
  • Connect with para-church & college campus ministries. Para-church ministries such as Young Life and F.C.A. are middle and high school oriented.  But what happens to their students once they graduate into college or the workforce and do not have a church to go to?  Usually nothing. That is why it benefits you to build relationships with those para-church and campus ministry leaders so that maybe you can help engage those students into what you all are offering at your church.  Even if it is just you inviting more students to socials (see below) or a Bible study, you are building a base of students you can be inviting people to.  And this gives you a chance to develop relationships with more students.
  • Do some Mixers. I'm not talking about icebreaker mixers.  I'm talking about socials.  Socials are a regular part of the college world and it is a great way for students to come to a non-threatening environment, invite some friends and make some new friendships.  Strategically plan a few of these 1-2 a month to get started.  Also, in getting started, take a few college students out and ask them what kind of mixers or events they would want to come to.  I took a few students out a few weeks ago and I got a ton of great ideas (unfortunately, not many of them mine:)).

Again, as I am transitioning into college and young adult ministry, these are some of the things I am learning and trying.  I know that as a Youth Pastor, I have a lot to learn about doing this ministry effective.  But, I am trying.  So, college and young adult ministers, what are some helpful suggestions you can offer me and others who find themselves working in this great and extremely important age group?

Also, this is for everyone, TAKE A MINUTE and think through my 4 suggestions.

  • Did I miss one or more that you have found helpful in your experiences?
  • What is at least one of these suggestions that you can do this week?  Maybe it is making a database of all the college aged students you know and setting up meetings with them to reconnect with them.  Maybe it is getting on Facebook and promoting a mixer you have planned (that is one thing I did this week for a mixer I'm planning for next week - interesting idea that I'll blog about next week).  Regardless of what it is, the point is to get out and make some progress in reaching college students for Christ and bridging them into adulthood.

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14Jun/101

Summer Service Opportunity: V.B.S.

Group's 2009 V.B.S. theme

Every year I am always looking for new ways for my youth to serve in the community and the Church.  One opportunity came up a few years ago that made all the sense in the world for us to be apart of.  It came about because we finally moved into a church building (we had been meeting in a elementary school for years).  It was at that time that our Children's Ministry decided to host their very first Vacation Bible School!  When they decided to do a V.B.S., the great opportunity for our youth ended up being a phenominal opportunity for our whole church.

If you are still looking for a summer service opportunity, I want to strongly encourage you all to partner up with your children's ministry department to help at V.B.S..  Here is a list of reason why having youth help out with the summer V.B.S. is a great service opportunity that benefits the whole church:

  1. You are supporting another ministry at your church. Too many times in church world, I have seen Ministry Department Heads get territorial and want to do what is best for their ministry only.  They don't care what happens in the other departments, just as long as their needs are being met.  I'm sorry but that is NOT an effective way to do ministry.  Ministries within the church need to partner together and work to bring all people, young and old, into a relationship with Christ.  By having the youth support the children's ministry, you are supporting the church.  As a youth minister you are saying that you value another ministry just as much as yours and that want to support what they are doing to further the kingdom of heaven.  It is a great model.
  2. It's a local Mission Trip! Having the youth help out and work with the Children's ministry was a perfect opportunity to add another type of service during the summer.  Every year, our church offers 2 mission trips - one international (open to the whole church) and another to a domestic location (youth only trip).  Even though scholarship is available to help students go on these trips, helping out at V.B.S. provides a local, free option that students can have while still feel like they are giving to others and serving.
  3. Students bond. Being apart of the V.B.S. Team allows students who do not normally socialize together bond.  Sure they are apart of the "youth group" and they may go to the same school, but that doesn't meant they socialize or interact together.  When they help out with V.B.S., they have interactions and experiences together that they may never have had before.  Which again, helps builds friendships and bonds that may last eternity.
  4. Opportunity for youth to serve the church. As an advocate for youth being actively involved in the life of the church, having youth serve at V.B.S. is a great opportunity for the rest of the church body to see youth playing an active role.  It shows that you do not have to be an adult to serve in some sort of ministry position.  You can serve and be effective at a very young age.  These young children look up to the youth so much and lasting mentorships may be developed because of this opportunity.
  5. Another opportunity for YOU to bond with students. During the summer months students vanish.  You see them one week, the next week they are on vacation or at camp or someplace else.  The consistency of student involvement during the summer is just not there.  But I know that every day during V.B.S., I can go in the Church from 9 am - 12 pm and see students, interact with them and encourage them in Christ.  It really is one of the best non-camp contact work opportunities youth ministers get every year.

These are just 5 reasons why you should encourage students to participate in V.B.S.  So, what do you think?  Have you had students participate in V.B.S. before?  How did that go for you?

TAKE A MINUTE and go talk to your Children's Ministry Director.  Ask him/her how you and the youth might be able to assist him/her during that week.  It could be a powerful time for your ministry and theirs.


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1Jun/104

POLL: Can you overcome any of these “failings”?

As I mow my lawn, my mind typically wonders off into so many different thoughts.  One of the thoughts that I had this past weekend was sin that takes ministers out of the game.  For an example, an affair seems to be a big deal (and rightfully so) that takes a lot of ministers out of ministry.  But, after the sin happens and repentance comes, is that minister black-listed forever?  OR, is there redemption and that person can again minister?

The reality is that Satan wants to take everyone out of the game.  Ministers fall right into that and many have been taken out.  But again, just because you stumble in one of the areas below, does that mean you are done being a "minister" forever?

TAKE A MINUTE and take the poll below.  Then, please explain your reason for your answer.

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29Jan/102

Having Fun in Ministry

There is so much in ministry that can get you down.  Whether it is challenging students, difficult working with other staffers, budget constraints or just the countless spiritual attacks Satan comes after you with, ministry can be tough.

That is why you have to have a little fun with it every now and then.  I did this on Wednesday when I met up with my Associate Pastor, Mark Seager and a friend of ours.  I did the whole meeting in this outfit and our friend, Blake, said he had a hard time listening to my critique of his talk without laughing at me constantly.

Donny was a run-on character I created for our youth to sell a few games.  He was warmly received by the youth so I figured I would push the envelope a bit and take him into the wild.

TAKE A MINUTE and

  • have some fun in ministry.  Don't get bogged down with the craziness without being a little crazy yourself.
  • share a story (or video) of you doing something fun in ministry.  It's always a little encouraging to see that we don't take ourselves to seriously :)


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4Jan/100

Is Satan lurching around the Corner?

As we ring in 2010, I am happy and very thankful to say that 2009 is over! 2009 turned out to be one of the most unpredictable and craziest years I have ever been apart of and I am so glad it is over. Wondering what I am talking about? Let me explain a little.

I knew good things were happening at Cedar Run and that God was really working here. Because of this, I knew Satan was just around the corner waiting for something to devour (1 Peter 5:8). Over the summer the Church just hired a new female Youth Staff Associate to support our growing youth program and to help us minister to the girls better. I've talked about her before, but Katie is a great young lady who has a tremendous gift of relational ministry to girls as well as "out of the box" thinking to reach students for Christ. I have been bless to be working beside her, so again, I thought Satan would be lurching around the corner trying to mess this up somehow.

In addition to hiring Katie, our youth program was coming off a solid summer where we had a great mission trip and built lots of community amongst the students. I have seen relationships develop and be nurtured in a positive, Christlike way and I knew that this bonding was going to have a positive effect on our program. Students also grew in their faith during this trip and took some great steps of faith over the summer. Therefore, I knew Satan was going to be lurching around the corner ready to try to mess this up somehow.

Lastly, I was headed into the fall at a time when I was learning a lot. I had just finished taking a great PostModern class from Reformed Theological Seminary and was reading some good ministry related books. Because of that, I felt that I was going to be better equipped to lead our leaders and in turn, they were going to be more effective ministers to the students than in years past. Again, I knew Satan wouldn't like this so I knew he would be lurching around corner ready to pounce.

Because of all these great and positive things happening in my life and ministry, I knew that Satan would be lurching around the corner, trying to take me out. The only thing left to figure out was exactly how he was going to get to me. What was he going to do and how? As with everything in life, when you think you have figured it out, Satan attacked me in an unexpected way and oh boy he did not disappoint. I'm not going to go into the exact details of what happened but I will say that it had nothing to do with me personally (ie, infidelity or any kind of personal or ministry integrity issue). He came at me hard this year with a full attack and there were times when I have felt done and defeated. Satan was taking some really good licks at me.

The fact is, Satan wants all believers dead where we can make no impact for Christ whatsoever. Considering that we are all Youth Ministers who are in the trenches everyday for the eternal lives of countless youth, Satan must turn up the attacks even more. He is out to destroy our marriages, our families, our ministry, our friendships and anything else around us in order to eliminate our effectiveness for Christ!

Through it all, my encouragement has been and still remains that if Satan is lurching around the corner, God is always with me. These attacks by Satan has caused me to TURN TO THE LORD ALL THE MORE!. I am determined not go be taken out by Satan. Therefore, the more he attacks, the more I am driven by the power of Christ to perservere. James 1:2-4 says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." This past year has been a real test of faith as I have had to cling to him more and more each day. I have turned to the Lord countless times defeated and alone, but I know that he is there for me and helps me persevere.

This past year has not been easy, but I believe that I am better off from it, my family is better off and the youth at Cedar Run are better off because of this.

Because of what I have been going through, I wanted this to be an encouragement to other believers and minister who may have gone through similar things or who will go through them sooner or later. A few questions I had for you are these:

  • Is Satan lurching around the corner? Is he hanging around, messing with your life in some way as well?
  • What do you do when you have Satan lurching around the corner, ready to devour you?
  • Where do you go and how do you process so that you can stay strong for Christ?

I believe these are important questions to ask and try to figure out so that when Satan does put on the full court press, we are ready and will be able to stand firm for the Lord. As Paul reminds us in Ephesians 6:10-18, our battle is not in flesh and blood, but "against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms" (Ephesians 6:12).  Therefore, we have to be on our guard, ready to respond.  We have to remember at all times that our enemy is powerful, but OUR LORD HAS BEEN AND WILL CONTINUE TO BE VICTORIOUS!  No matter what Satan brings at you, you can overcome in the power of the Lord.

So, right now, TAKE A MINUTE and...

  1. Pray! Pray for yourself and others around you so that all believers and ministers can cling to Christ and stand strong for him despite the numerous and unexpected attacks by Satan.
  2. Be on guard. Satan will attack at any time. Keep roadblocks in place so that you do not give him a foothold to use against you in any way. Be a man or woman of integrity at all times and be pursuing Christ always.

If you have thoughts or encouragement about this topic, please post them so that we can all be encouraged and inspired to pursue the Lord all the more. I am praying for you all. May God bless your work.

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24Aug/091

Balancing Ministry and Parenthood and being Effective at both (Part 2 of 2)

This is a continuation from an earlier post.  To look up part 1, look under Recent Posts or click here.

How #2: It affects what you Model

Pete Hill was an unassuming figure.  He didn’t “look” like your stereotypical youth leader.  He was tall and heavyset with thinning hair.  He also had this very loud, yet contagious laugh that sounded more like Santa Claus’ laugh than any Shopping mall impersonator I have ever heard.  Although he did drive this cool, navy colored Jeep Wrangler, he probably would not have been someone you would pick out of a lineup to be an effective youth leader.  However, over a 10 year period, Pete was one of the most successful and effective youth leaders I have ever seen who modeled to so many youth what it means to put Christ first in your life and what it means to choose your family first.

To be effective in ministry, a leader has to model Christ to everyone he/she ministers to.  Pete did that as he took many students deeper in their relationship with the Lord. But, it was also Pete’s passion and heart for his family that made him a great example to everyone he came into contact with.  As teenagers, young people are trying to find themselves.  It is a natural transition for them to begin to separate themselves from their own family in an effort to become more individualistic and find their way in life.  It was during this transitional time in my life that Pete modeled that family is very important.  Whether it was him bringing his younger brother out to hang out with my friends and I or him changing plans on us so that he could spend time with his family, Pete was a great example of what it means to have a family and to minister to them just as much as he ministered to others.  Looking back at times, Pete spurred me on in my relationship with Christ a lot, but it was what he modeled to me about family that really sticks with me today as I minister to teens.

Unfortunately, people in ministry have not always emulated the example of Pete’s family first model.  I have seen more times than naught a Youth Minister continually sacrifice quality time with his/her family just so they can be out ministering to students more.  This is not to say that youth leaders shouldn’t spend times ministering to youth at times that may not be convenient for your family.  But, if youth leaders continue to spend a lot time with their students and neglect their own family, what do you think you are teaching them when they get older and have a family of their own?

Choosing family over ministry is not always easy.  There is no doubt about it, teenagers, especially boys, WILL make fun of you for being whipped and COMPLAIN that you are not around as much as you used to be.  But in the long run, both you and they will be blessed because of it.  You will be blessed because you will be connected to your family more and get to experience those life experiences to share and enjoy for a lifetime.  Sure, it may seem like just “bath time” or “dinner” to others, but missing out on that time with your family could cause you to miss the first time your child does something great, or says a word or does a funny, memorable thing.  These are important things for you to be apart of.   The youth you minister to will be blessed because they will see a healthy example of what it means to be a good parent and a member of a family.  They may not realize it at first, but they will, especially when they begin a family of their own.

In addition, choosing family first means that you have the opportunity to model something completely different to adults as well.  You can’t imagine how many looks I get from other parents or teachers when I pick up my children from school sometimes who must be wondering, “Why is he picking up his child?  Doesn’t he work?”  I have actually been asked numerous times, “I’ve seen you outside your house with the girls or up at the school helping in classrooms.  What do you do for a living?”  People can’t believe that I have the flexibility in my schedule to spend time with my children.  Furthermore, they cannot believe that I am not using that flexibility to get out on the golf course more often and have some “guy” time (although, sometimes I wish I was).  What I am modeling to other people and parents is that my family matters to me and I care about what my children are doing.  Now, I am not trying to pump myself up as I see other people and ministers model this much more successfully than I do.  But, in this age of workaholism, it is a refreshing and helpful for parents and others to see that you actually care about your family.

How #3: It affects your Planning

If you have a spouse and children, you have probably experienced this before.  You have this great youth group night planned with an awesome mixer and you have a great talk prepared.  It is one of those nights you are truly pumped for as it seems like everything is lining up just right.  Then, the day comes and your spouse or one of your children get sick – not just cold sick, something like the flu or strep throat.  What do you do?  You need to attend to them and help out, especially if your spouse is sick, but you also your have a youth function to attend to.  Don’t these situations always tend to pop up at some of the worst times?  It is almost like there is someone/thing out there who is trying to destroy families and ministries.  Who could that be?  Regardless, every sickness or unexpected event that comes up are not the same.  There are varying degrees.  But, what do you do when your family and ministry lives intersect and both need you?

In ministry, it is always good to plan out weeks, months and even semesters ahead of time.  But, just as important as planning ahead, it is always a great idea to have a back-up plan. Even without a family, you should have a back-up plan for your events in case something happens to you or someone else serving in an upfront role.  A back-up plan involves delegation and preparation.

  1. Delegation: As Head Youth Leaders, you never want the program to rest solely on your shoulders.  You always want to include other leaders and the students as well.  It gives them ownership and helps them feel that they are apart of things, rather than just spectators to your show.  So make sure, that every youth function is not just contingent on your running the game, mixer, announcements and talk.  Delegate to others so that they will feel like they are contributing.
  2. Preparation: An older, much wiser Youth Minister once challenged me to be prepared for last minute changes by having all my leaders prepare a talk that they would know by heart and ready to give at any moment.  By having your leaders ready with a talk, if any unexpected thing happens to you or whoever is giving the message that day, you have any number of people who can step up and share a great message to the youth.  In addition, be prepared by having your leaders know exactly what is happening week to week.  The more they know exactly what is happening week to week, the better they will be able to contribute if something unexpected comes up.

Secondly, you need to have leaders you trust.  In addition to having an effective back-up plan, you need to have leaders you can trust and rely on in case a last minute change or Plan B needs to go into effect.  Now, I hope you can trust all your leaders.  But, what I mean here is that these are the leaders you know that can come up with an impromptu game, mixer, skit or whatever may be necessary.  There have been many times in which we have had to go to Plan B at Cedar Run.  When Plan B was needed, I knew that I had at least 3 leaders I could turn to that could pull off something to kill time.  Do you have leaders you can turn to when something unexpected comes up or when you need to go to Plan B?  It takes a lot of pressure off of you and, just like with having a back-up plan, gives other leaders or student leaders an opportunity to shine and share their gifts to others.

Big Picture

In the above paragraphs, I outlined some ways that choosing your family first affects your ministry.  Sometimes you may think that when you choose your family first, you ministry will suffer.  Rather, when you choose family first, it also benefits your ministry in a variety of ways:

  • It provides a positive role model for your youth and others to look to
  • Your ministry becomes less about you and gives your leaders opportunities to step up and confidence to perform.
  • It affects future ministry possibilities because you are a positive role model to your family.  They realize that church isn’t more important than they are.  Christ should always be first and foremost, but Church work is not Christ and although there is a difference young children or even non-believing extended family members may not realize that and end up with a hard heart to Christ because they associate the 2 together.

The big picture point is this, whether you are part of one or have a family of your own, your family needs to be a bigger priority than your ministry.  That doesn’t mean that your ministry ends or makes you less effective.  As I just pointed out, I believe that it can have some very positive affects on your ministry.  So don’t worry, your program is not going to deteriorate and the youth in your program are not going to abandon ship just because you have a fewer hours a week to spend with them.  Sure, they may complain or poke fun at you, but in the long run, what you model to them by choosing your family first is so much more important.  As my friend Pete Hill demonstrated countless times, you can be a great example to your family, the youth you minister to and many others all at the same time and impact them for eternity.

TAKE A MINUTE and…

  1. Plan some Plan B scenarios.  Who are leaders you can trust and how can you build up other leaders so that you can rely on them in Plan B situations?
  2. Set up a time where you can challenge your leaders to have a message ready for any given time.  This may need to be a “Training Time” that you have with your leaders.  So, either set up a Training Time or encourage them today to start preparing a talk to give at any give time.

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10Aug/091

Balancing Ministry and Parenthood and being Effective at both (Part 1 of 2)

Ministry and Parenthood are two extremely challenging jobs to do successfully by themselves.  How, then, can you possibly even think about doing both of them at the same time, yet alone, be successful at both of them?  This topic is a personal passion of mine as I have been married for almost 10 years and I have 4 adorable daughters who resemble my beautiful wife in so many ways.  In the 12 years I have been in full-time ministry, I have been a minister and a father to an ever-growing family (one that is hopefully no longer growing for good) for the past 8 years.

One of the hardest adjustments for me in ministry was when we had our first daughter. Before she was born, I felt that I could do a lot as I had all day open to do meetings and contact work with students.  Then, I would go home and my wife and I would have a quiet evening to ourselves to do whatever we wanted.  When we had our first daughter, everything changed. In particular, having a baby in the house directly impacted how I did ministry (I’ll explain more a little bit further down).  In some ways, I was bummed by the adjustments I choose to make and I was envious of those youth ministers who could still do those things.  It was as if I felt that they were being more effective than I was because they were freer to do those things.

I discovered that was and is not the case.  Just because you have a family (and an ever growing one at that), does not mean you cannot and should not be effective.  It just means that it may look different than it did when you were single and without a family.  The question is how do you balance a new and/or growing family with a growing ministry at the same time?

Family First.

When my wife and I were pregnant with our first daughter, I polled a lot of ministers and youth leaders who have been in ministry a long time and I asked them how I could balance family life and ministry and still be effective at both.  The overwhelming answer I got was to choose my family first.  That is not to say that sometimes the decision and choices you make between ministry and family are not going to be hard ones, but when you answer family first, it needs to be more than just mere words you say.  It is easy to say, “My family, not my ministry, comes first”.  But, the proof in the pudding.  Do your actions verify what you say?  Will your spouse be able to say that you care more about your ministry or your family?  Because of this, when you choose your family first, it will affect how you do ministry in a variety of ways.

How #1:  It affects your Schedule

The first way a family first mentality affects your ministry is that it affects your schedule. A perfect example is night time contact work.  As a single adult or even young married person, it is easy to spend multiple nights out a week hanging with students or going to games or plays.  If you are accustom to that, once you have a child, you probably need to cut back.  You don't have to cut back completely because those are great contact work and relational times you need with the students. But, that does mean that you should pick and choose your events you go to as night time, especially with young children, need to be family time together.

Night times are huge productions for a families.  Not only are you and your spouse getting ready to unwind for the day, but when you have children, night time means teeth brushing, baths and settling them down for bedtime.  It means reading them books or doing a devotional and praying together. Doing this with one child challenging enough, imagine trying to do this with 2-4 children.  Even with newborns, the evening time is a great family time together that you don’t want to miss out on too much.  Your nighttime work strategy needs to be adjusted so that you can be at home more at nights and minister to them.  Why continue to do ministry with other children from other families not your own and sacrifice a more long lasting ministry with your own family?

Another way it affects your schedule is that you will rarely have those 9-5 days anymore. Now, stop laughing.  I know that there are no 9-5 day youth ministry jobs out there.  But, what I mean is that your schedule becomes more in flux than ever before.  For instance, sometimes I sacrifice some early morning or later afternoon meetings to either take my children to school or pick them up.  Sometimes I feel guilty going home from work at 3 pm to pick them up and spend time with the family.  But, in the big picture, as long as I do my work and get it done, my conscience is clear.  See, I make up for this everyday as I get up at 5 am to begin working on messages, vision, working on emails and doing other administrative things.  I know it is kind of psycho, but I get a lot accomplished then.  For me, those are work hours I am logging in so that I can take off early to spend time with the family.  It is not 9-5, but in all reality, as I mentioned earlier, are there any 9-5 ministry jobs out there?

Because choosing family over ministry affects your schedule, you have to be creative with your time.  Some examples of being creative with your schedule are:

  • Get up earlier in the morning and do some admin work or send some emails.  Or, if you are not a morning person, stay up a little bit later, after the children are in bed, and do a little bit of late night work.
  • Invite students to come to your house to hang.  You don’t need to go grab food somewhere or chill at someone else’s house.  Invite them over to do that and they get to see a good example of Christ in your family life.

Now, this is just one way choosing family first affects your ministry.  My next post will conclude this topic with some other areas that are affected when you begin a family.  But, as you can see, choosing family first just means that you alter how you do ministry.  Youth in your program are not going to die because you have a fewer hours a week to spend with them.  Sure, they my complain or poke fun at you, but in the long run, what you model to them by choosing your family first is so much more important.  You can still get your job done and be effective in your work and ministry life at the same time.

TAKE A MINUTE and…

  1. If you have children, how can you adjust your schedule this week to make sure you are being effective in both ministry and family time?
  2. How can you go that extra step with your family today?  What can you do today that will show them that you care about them?

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13May/091

Being Strategic: Curriculum and Experiences

After I looked at our vision statement, I had to decide where we were going to take students.  By that I mean, what were we, the Cedar Run Youth Leaders, going to teach them.  What knowledge, information and experiences did we want a 6th grader, just entering our program, leave with when he/she graduates high school?  Up until this point, I had never formed a complete plan.  I had some things in my head, but with all things, until you write it down, nothing is final.

The strategy I came up with has 2 parts to it – curriculum and experiences.

Curriculum:

Have you ever had a parent or member of your church come up to you and say, “You have to read this book. This will help you so much”?  This has happened to me a variety of times and my response has always been, “Ok, great.  I will have to check that out”.  However, rarely did I look into it.

That changed about 2 ½ years ago when I had a parent come up and ask me to read a particular book.  This time, instead of responding the way I typically did, I said to her, “Ok, I will read this book if you read it with me”.  I was tired of having parents tell me to read this book and think that their job was done.  I thought that if this person really wanted me to read this book and benefit from it, they would take the time to read it with me and process it so that we could apply it to our ministry, if needed.  She gladly accepted and we agreed to read a chapter a week and meet to process.  The book she recommended was “The Seven Checkpoints” by Andy Stanley.

The Seven Checkpoints is about curriculum.  It talks about what and how we present material to students.  Up until I read this book, I cannot say that I never had a clear strategy for curriculum.  But, I never intentionally looked at what I wanted to communicate to the youth over the course of the year or more.  I never had an official long-term plan.  That all changed when I read this book.

This book was exactly what I needed and helped me in a variety of ways.  For starters, it provided me with 7 primary topics that I could and should teach from.  As the book points out, these are not the only 7 topics you can teach on, but they are the core topics.  The topics are broad enough that you can get more specific from week to week.

Secondly, it helped me plan more in advance.  Usually, when thinking through what we would cover from week to week or month to month, I examined where our students were personally and spiritually.  Then, I would process through and plan topics that would go with that evaluation.  Not that this is a bad thing to do, but, by doing this, I was failing to plan strategically for the long-term.  For example, one of Andy’s checkpoints is “spiritual disciplines”.  According to Richard Foster, there are at least 12 them. Normally, when I would talk about spiritual disciplines, I would try to cram all of them into a neat 2-3 week series.  But, why try to cram all the spiritual disciplines into a short time when you can specifically focus on each one and have at least 12 weeks worth of talks.  Now, I am not advocating, nor is Andy Stanley, that you do a 12 continuous week series on spiritual disciplines, but at least you have a some topics to strategically place in your curriculum plan.

Thinking strategically and intentionally about what you want to communicate to your youth will help your stress level go down and your effectiveness in speaking the truth of Christ to your youth go up.  But, speaking the truth is just one way that you can and should communicate to your youth.

Experiences:

The second way to communicate is through experiences.  As my friend Rick Beckwith has encouraged me so many times, we teach our youth in so many ways other than just verbal communication. When you give them experiences, you can reinforce what they were learning and give them an opportunity to put them into practice.

For example, Mike Miller from Young Life and I just finished a day long discipleship focused day with our students called Next Step.  During the day, we had worship and offered some great teaching.  But, we didn’t limit their learning to just verbal teaching.  We gave them an opportunity to learn through experiencing.  One of our teachings included us going out into the neighborhood to pick up trash.  Once we finished picking up the trash, we met at the Church dumpster.  At that time, Mike led the youth in a time of examining their own lives and the potential garbage they put into it that might prohibit Christ from making an impact in it.  He had them write the garbage down on a piece of paper, give it over to God through prayer and then throw it away in the dumpster. It was a powerful time that words cannot describe.

By giving your students experiences, they have an opportunity to remember what you taught for a longer period of time.  Do you think the students at Next Step were impacted more by the trash pick up and self examination or if we had just verbally communicated that garbage in equals garbage out?  The more experiences you can give your students, the greater likelihood that they will remember it and be impacted longer.

Youth Pastors and Ministers are responsible for so much.  However, planning curriculum and experiences often seems to be put on the back burner when it comes to priorities.  I have found that too often Youth Pastors and Ministers are either planning talks at the last minute or rely on recycled talks over and over again.  The problem with this is that you are not allowing God to speak to and move you as you process what you need to communicate to the youth.  In addition, you fail to bring out your creative juices that will help you communicate more effectively.  If Mike Miller and I had we planned our service project just an hour or two before Next Step, we would have had to rush to get all the supplies needed and may not have been able to pull it off.  But, since we processed and planned this activity 2 weeks before the event, we were able to get the necessary material to make the experience awesome.

Be strategic!  Don't wait to the last minute to plan and organize your curriculum and experiences for your students.  Plan ahead and allow God to speak to and guide what you share with the students.  Student will learn better as we are providing them with our best.

TAKE A MINUTE and...

  1. Examine where are you taking your students?  What are you communicating to your students and how are you doing it?
  2. Are your offering experiences to reinforce your teachings?  What are some experiences you can offer that will aid your students' learning and reinforce the teaching points?

Sources:

  • Andy Stanley, "The Seven Checkpoints"
  • Richard Foster, "The Celebration of Discipline"

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