Not A Mega Church? Building a Youth Ministry that Lasts no matter what size Church you are!

11May/103

4 Things Youth Ministry could learn from A.A.

I was talking to a friend of mine recently about A.A. and I quickly realized that I can learn from one of the most successful organizations around. Sure, they don't blow through Quarterly Earnings like Apple Inc. does but A.A. has a philosophy that is fundamentally sound and is quiet effective in helping people stay sober for a lifetime.

Going to this meeting, listening to others share and feeling the environment within the group, I learned a lot.  I saw that there was much we, as believers and Youth Ministers, can take away from this organization and apply directly to our lives and ministry.  Here is what I think we could learn from and apply:

  1. Sponsorship is key. Finding a sponsor for an alcoholic or adict is key to recovery.  This is a person who holds you strictly accountable to not drinking.  They will call you at any point in the day and expect you to answer and talk with them.  One person shared that he was called at 12:15 am and said that he answered the phone because if he didn't, "there would be hell to pay" the next day.  The level of accountability is very high with consequences higher.  They need someone to help them walk through the daily battle of sobriety.

    2. HOW THIS APPLIES TO YOUTH MINISTRY:  We need tough accountability as we disciple students.  Students don't need people to cheer them on as they teeter with the "grays" of following Christ.  They need people to call them at 11 pm or 12 am and see if they are staying away from that party they promised you they wouldn't go to.  They need mentors to hold them accountable so they can make those tough calls.  Staying sober is far from easy with alcoholics.  That is why they need tough love.  Staying a believer is hard to do in life, especially the teen years.  They need tough love to keep them on track to becoming a disciple for Christ long term.

  2. They keep the memories fresh. The Old Testament is filled with the followers of God setting up memorials to Him for the great work He had done for them.  Those memories were used to tell the story of how God brought them through a particular time in their history.  They use those memorials to remember and tell the story to others.  In the same way, at A.A., I heard someone say that he keeps coming back to remember how bad he was and to encourage those newcomers that they can make it.  They remember the past so they do not have to relive the pain and the tragedy.

    3. HOW THIS APPLIES TO YOUTH MINISTRY: Are we raising up our youth to remember what God has done in their lives?  Do they remember just how bad things were before we met Christ?  God does mighty works in the lives of students all the time.  Sometimes they are small works that lead to big works or sometime they are huge acts that blow people away (figuratively of course) with amazement and wonder.  The point is that we are helping students remember all that God has done for them, especially how He brought them from death to life.  That will encourage them and help stay a disciple for Christ long term.  On a side note, it is also a great reminder for us as believers.  Do we take time to reflect on all that Christ has done for us, given us and brought us from?  HE IS A MIGHTY GOD who had DONE MIGHT WORKS in our lives.  Let's not forget what Christ has brought us from as well!

  3. Everyone is welcome. At A.A., they say the only requirement to join is the desire to stop drinking.  It doesn't matter if you are black or white, rich or poor, young or old, if you have the desire to stop drinking, you are more than welcomed to join.

    4. HOW THIS APPLIES TO YOUTH MINISTRY: I know we say this a lot at Church and in our youth programs, but is everyone really welcome to come? Does a student who has severe ADD or ADHD really feel welcomed?  Or do they feel that they are just annoying people?  Does a girl who "gets around" feel welcomed?  Or does she hear the same whispers she hears at school?  Does the long haired, tattooed, t-shirt wearing guy feel welcomed? Or do people stay away from him not wanting to "upset" or "anger" him?  The point is to have a plan to make sure every student feels welcomed and cared for the moment they walk into the door.  Do you have that plan in place?  Everyone matters to God and if they feel the same negative way at church that they feel at other places, why would they ever come back.  Christ calls us to love all people, so no matter what they look like or how they act, as believers, we need to be loving them.

  4. One Day at a time. What a great saying!  Their goal is to not drink one day at a time.  They are not focused on the rest of their life, just that one particular day at a time. They wake up and decided that day, "I will not drink".  They are not concerned about the next day or the day after that.

    5. HOW THIS APPLIES TO YOUTH MINISTRY:

    In the same way, our relationship with Christ, especially for youth, should be focused on one day at a time.  To non-believers espeically, when you commit your life to Christ and throw away the past temptations of parties, hook-ups or other temporal pleasures, it is hard to say I can be committed to Christ for eternity.  But, if you give them the mindset that following Christ is one day at a time, it is more manageable and they could probably have a greater impact.  After all, if following Christ is one day at a time, you might take more risks for Him.  You might spend more time with Him, therefore receiving wisdom about a situation in life you are involved with.  God might be able to do so much more in our lives if we just give him the opportunity and take it one day at a time.  One day at a time is a great philosophy because it focuses people on following the Lord and doing all for him as you can that one particular day at a time.

So, after going to this A.A. meeting, I am completely energized to instill some of these principles and mindsets into the thinking of my life and into our students.  What about you?  What do you think about these principles and how have you seen them work in following Christ and youth ministry?  TAKE A MINUTE to think through these questions and post a comment so we can all benefit.

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19Mar/102

3 Ways to Defuse Church Rivalries

I am a big fan of working together with other Churches and ministries.  For instance, at Cedar Run we have a very close relationship with the local Young Life ministry and have partnered together on numerous ideas and events.  I see them as huge winners when you can get the body of Christ together that stretches beyond denominations.


Although partnering with other ministries and churches has some tremendous benefits, there can be some hinderances to a partnership developing.  It's called Church Rivalries.  I have seen church rivalries develop on retreats and even mission trips before – yes, even mission trips!  But, the one that had the most impact on me was a local rivalry that I never thought would have happened.

When I worked at Young Life, I developed a good friendship with Chris Craddock.  The year after I left Young Life to start working for Cedar Run, Chris began working for another local Church.  So when he started working at his new church, a little friendly rivalry began as we knew many of the same students from working with Young Life.  Christ and I never viewed this “rivalry” talk as anything serious as we had a lot of respect for each other.  But students did not quite take it the same way.  In fact, as many new believers who had no Church “home” of their own had to choose between going to my Church or Chris’, a “whose youth program is better” mentality broke out with the students.  Students at both of our Churches would constantly be recruiting and even negative recruiting their friends to come to their Church.  I have no problem with recruiting and pumping up your specific Church.  But when you resort to negative recruiting against another godly organization, that is when you’ve crossed the line.  Unfortunately, no matter how hard Chris and I tried to defuse the “rivalry”, students still had this “us” verses “them” mentality, which, as you might imagine, caused tension between students and even some of our leaders.

When rivalries develop, it can be very detrimental and dangerous to the health of our work.  After all, we are in the business of bringing students into a loving relationship with Christ in which he constantly promoted that everyone mattered and everyone is equal in his eyes (i.e. the Good Samaritan and the woman at the well).  When rivalries develop and tensions run high between two or more ministries, it goes counter to everything Christ believed and stood for.  Christ called us to love God and love others (Matthew 22:36-40).  You do not need to be a rocket scientist to realize when rivalries start, loving God and others is not always displayed.  Therefore, instead of bringing people together and uniting them for the kingdom of God, we resort to bad-mouthing great ministries.

But, there are at least 3 possible ways to defusing rivalries:

  1. Local rivalries - partner together for combined events.  It could be a social, discipleship or outreach event in which you gather both Churches together.   Be very intentional about that time together as you attempt to build community and to give the students a kingdom mindset.  It may not happen after just 1 time together so plan to do a few events together.  That way, over time, students can begin to form bonds together that will hopefully defuse any potential rivalries.
  2. Trip rivalries – Talk to the other trip leaders during the first leaders meeting.  Just throw it out there that tensions can possibly run high during events or work and that we should, as a leadership team, quickly defuse any tension or rivalry that would develop.  By getting it out in the open, you all can talk about it and everyone in leadership will start keeping an eye open to potential issues.
  3. Ultimately, defusing Church rivalries can happen by giving students a kingdom mindset.  As leaders, we are striving to bring more students into the heavenly kingdom where we are all united under same body.  Other ministries and Churches are striving to do the same thing.  So, whether we always agree on things or not, we have to keep a kingdom mindset.  Rejoice with others when God moves in their midst and pray for them when trying times come about. If you and your leadership team are committed to kingdom building, then it doesn’t matter if your Church is better than the next one.  All that matters is that students are coming to know Christ and that they will be joining you in the Kingdom of Heaven one day.  Once you and your leadership team have that kingdom mindset, you can effectively teach it and give it away to your students.  Then, hopefully, rivalries will be limited and more students will be entering into a relationship with Christ because of it.

So, what do you think?

TAKE A MINUTE and think about how you have seen Church/Ministry rivalries develop and how you have attempted to defuse them.  Post a comment so that all of us can benefit from knowing other potential ways to defuse them.


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15Mar/104

Do you do a Youth Group Bracket Challenge?

With the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament set, it brings up the annual question - do you do a bracket challenge with your students?  If so, do you give away a prize for the winner.

I do and often give away a small prize to the winner.  The reason why I do a Bracket Challenge is to create a community, bonding event that everyone can participate in and talk about.  On a lesser note, it is also a great way to reach out to others who do not go to Church and maybe be a way to draw them in.  One year, when George Mason (a local team for us in Northern VA) made it to the Final Four, I used that as an opportunity to do a mini-outreach event and had people come over to my house to watch the Final Four together.  It was a great time for both girls and guys as they got to root on Mason but they also got to banter back and forth about their brackets.

The bigger question for me is not do we do a Group Bracket Challenge.  Rather, it is how do I get more girls involved in the challenge?  Some girls naturally will do one, but most of the girls in my group would not touch this even if I gave away an iPod.  They have no idea what to do and how to do it.  So how do you make this attractive enough for girls to want to participate in?

Take the poll below and then offer any suggestions you might have to include more girls.  The best suggestion will get a $5 Starbucks gift card.

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25Feb/101

YM Devo: Getting Others Involved

Read Nehemiah 3

Some questions to ponder:

  1. How many groups of people helped in rebuilding the wall?
  2. What were some of the different jobs that were involved in rebuilding the wall?
  3. How much of the wall did Nehemiah rebuild?
  4. What does this show you about involving others?

Encouragement:

It was Nehemiah's passion and heart to begin to rebuild the Jerusalem wall (Nehemiah 1).  But he could not rebuild it alone.  He needed help from others. First he needed the King to let him go of his duties and head back to Jerusalem.  Then, in this passage, we see that it was others who helped rebuild the wall.  In fact, there were so many groups of people involved in helping that Nehemiah was not even mentioned as being apart of any of the repair crews!

In the same way, when we are called into a ministry position, people will look towards us for leadership, vision and direction.  Like Nehemiah, God has given us a vision, passion and desire to undertake this ministry.  But just as Nehemiah knew that he would not be able to build the wall all by himself, we need to recognize our need for help.  Without help and support from others, our effectiveness and ability to succeed will be limited.

Whether it is in our personal lives or in ministry, you need to get others involved.  Much is at stake - your families, marriages, the lives of youth you serve and their families.  That is why you need to surround yourself with others who will care for and support you personally as well as help you fight in this mission to win youth for the Lord.  If you try to pull a Lone Ranger and go after Christ and youth alone, you run the risk of never truly being effective as a follower and minister of Him.

Personal Application:

  1. What kind of support network do you and your family have that encourages you in your life, your relationship with Christ and your marriage?
  2. If you do not have a group of people that encourages you in these areas, identify a person or group of people you can get involved with so that you can have the fellowship and accountability you need to thrive.

Ministry Application:

  1. Examine what kind of help you have in reaching students for Christ.  Do you have enough adequate help?
  2. If you do not, what is 1 thing you could do this week to get more people involved so that you can be reaching students more effectively?
  3. If you do have adequate support, DELEGATE at least 1 thing you normally do to a volunteer.  That way you are encouraging and inspiring them to be more effective in their ministry.

In all, it took the people of Jerusalem 54 days to rebuild the wall (Nehemiah 6:15-16).  I wonder how long it would have taken if Nehemiah just tried to rebuild it alone.  Get others involved in both your personal life and ministry.  When you do that,  you will benefit but also others will as well because they get to step up and walk alongside of you through all that life and ministry have to throw at you.

TAKE A MINUTE and pray that God would examine your life and ministry for ways that people can come alongside of you.

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29Jan/102

Having Fun in Ministry

There is so much in ministry that can get you down.  Whether it is challenging students, difficult working with other staffers, budget constraints or just the countless spiritual attacks Satan comes after you with, ministry can be tough.

That is why you have to have a little fun with it every now and then.  I did this on Wednesday when I met up with my Associate Pastor, Mark Seager and a friend of ours.  I did the whole meeting in this outfit and our friend, Blake, said he had a hard time listening to my critique of his talk without laughing at me constantly.

Donny was a run-on character I created for our youth to sell a few games.  He was warmly received by the youth so I figured I would push the envelope a bit and take him into the wild.

TAKE A MINUTE and

  • have some fun in ministry.  Don't get bogged down with the craziness without being a little crazy yourself.
  • share a story (or video) of you doing something fun in ministry.  It's always a little encouraging to see that we don't take ourselves to seriously :)


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26Jan/104

Being Flexible

This past Sunday, a lot of youth ministers in Indianapolis, New Orleans, Minnesota and New York had an interesting decision to make - do you cancel your youth group for a football game?  Whether you live in those areas or not, you have probably been faced with this decision before.  I have numerous times as I live just outside Washington, DC and this is Redskin country.  When the Redskins play, people watch - no matter how bad they have been lately.

Tim Schmoyer, who writes a youth ministry blog, was faced with this decision this week.  He said this as he was polling others and what they do -

"Since I think teens are already given way too many excuses to put spirituality behind everything else, I don't want our church to be part of enabling that. It's not that I'm anti-football or even that I don't think ministry can flex for current events. We cancel youth group for the Super Bowl, but for other games? It just doesn't feel right to me. God always comes first, especially before a football game. Our standards for teens spiritual growth are already so low! I'm sure we'll have a small crowd at youth group tomorrow night, which is fine with me. It's not important that we have a large group, it's important that we do the right thing for the right reasons and bring glory to God through it all. I'll be more than happy to focus on the students who are there."

I get what Tim is saying and I think this best sums up how I feel.  HOWEVER, I think ultimately that there comes a point where we put aside our feelings and become a little flexible as a great opportunity is presented.  Here is what I mean:

  • For starters, when an event like the AFC and NFC championship game comes up (which this event was), it is a special event which means you show special consideration.  If this was just a regular season or playoff game, you do not change plans, but football really is like soccer for so many other countries.  We get very passionate about football and "our team" and when they are 1 victory away from the Super Bowl, that is a big deal.  Sure, Christ should always come before all things, but when something takes hold of the whole city you live in, people want to watch and support their cities.  But again, if this just a regular football game does not involve my city at all (other than the Super Bowl), I keep whatever I am doing on.  For instance, I had a Parent/Teen relationship building gathering this week and I did not cancel my event.  There were a ton of people interested in the game, but we had no city tie whatsoever so we had a pretty solid turnout.
  • Secondly, rather than straight up canceling, I would alter my plans a bit.  Instead of doing a regular "youth group" night, change it to incorporate watching the game together.  Have your students invite their friends (especially non-believers) and center your night around fellowship and community building.  Then, during halftime, shut the TV off and do a Bible study, sing some worship songs or even do some prayer and meditation.  Sure, it may not be exactly what you had originally planned but the fact is you are leading them in Christ during that time which is the important thing.

As I have said above, I have had to make this decision many times and ultimately I change my plans. This is where I have to take my feelings out of it and look for the opportunity.  I know some people will completely disagree with me and claim that I should never put a "youth group" event behind a secular activity.  But in reality, I'm not putting Christ on the back-burner - just youth group.  If you think the only time students can grow in Christ is through traditional "youth group" setting, then you probably have the wrong approach to youth ministry.  "Youth group" is a tool, not an end game.  The end game is being a fully devoted follower of Christ and you are simply providing steps to help your students get there.  By being flexible and changing my plans a bit, I'm simply providing a different way for kids to experience Christ together.  They will have a shared fellowship experience where they see Christ demonstrated in the lives of our leaders by the way we respond when our team does or doesn't succeed.

Again, in a perfect world, I wish all my students would step up and put Christ before all things all the time.  But, the reality is that they do not.  In fact, I do not always put Christ 1st in all situations (sorry, true confession).  So, I completely understand what Tim and so many other youth ministers feel about this situation.  But again, I do believe it is part of my job to be flexible and to look for opportunities to present Christ in all situations.  Even if it means I have to change plans a little bit.

TAKE A MINUTE and plan out what you will do the next time a special event comes up and interferes with a regularly scheduled youth event.  How can your students still experience Christ during that change of plans?

So what do you think?  Feel free to share your thoughts and comments.

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26Dec/090

Leader Appreciation at Christmas

Last week, Katie and I had our annual Youth Leader Christmas Party with all our volunteer Youth Leaders.  It has become an annual tradition as each year we give our leaders a gift certificate to a local mall and have dinner together. This year, we tried something different. Instead of having dinner at a persons house, we wanted to go out and treat the leaders to a nice dinner and then take some Christmas pictures by the National Christmas Tree in Washington, DC. Unfortunately, traffic and a bigger than expected snow storm wrecked havoc on those plans and we were not able to go into DC.

Because of this, we had to improvise on the fly. We changed plans and decided to go to dinner at a local Italian restaurant which had some very good food. Then, instead of taking pictures in front of the National Christmas Tree, we ended up taking some cool and random pictures in front of random houses and Christmas Trees in the downtown Fairfax area. Here is one.

We drove by some random houses and took pictures. This was one of them.

We drove by some random, overdecorated houses and took pictures. This was one of them. We actually had the homeowner take this picture.

I have found that when we honor our leaders with this dinner and give them Christmas presents, it goes a long way with them.  They feel appreciated and cared for which will hopefully inspire them to go that extra mile in building relationships with the students so that Christ can impact them for eternity.

So, what about you? Do you do anything for your leaders over Christmas? If so, what?

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7Dec/091

Building Community

When I first arrived at Cedar Run, one of the first things I realized was that although students knew each other and were comfortable with each other, they didn’t really know each other or hang with each other outside of Sunday morning. The sense of community to be with each other and grow with each other was minimal at best. To me, this was strange and unacceptable because I felt that if students genuinely liked each other, why wouldn’t they want to hang out and spend more time together?

Because of this, one of my chief projects was to establish and build community amongst the group. I felt, and still feel, that if we were going to build a healthy, growing youth program, we needed to be able to build community amongst each other.  Whether you have a big turnout or a smaller one, I have found that when students have shared experiences with one another, a natural connect is created with each other than can be built upon. It was these opportunities that I was looking to build.

A few ways I decided to build community at Cedar Run was to:

  • Set up small groups. At Cedar Run, we draw from at least 5 high schools in the area, so it is only natural for students not to feel connected to others as they rarely see each other outside of Sunday. Because of this, I thought that a huge way to get students to feel comfortable with each other and to build strong bonds with one another was to get them together in a group setting where they can be vulnerable with each other without the fear of being rejected. That worked really well and students from different schools ended up bonding in ways that we had hoped they would. Since then, small groups have been a vital part of our way to grow spiritually, but also to build stronger community within the youth program.
  • Incorporate community time at youth gatherings. Rick Beckwith, when he was the Area Director of NW Fairfax Young Life incorporated a community builder called “Family Time” during their Bible study.  During family time, students would break up into smaller groups and share about life and what the Lord was teaching them.  Then, they would get back together as a whole group and share.  Knowing some of the students who were apart of that time, I know that it was there that students felt connected to others on a deeper, real level.  It was also there that they develop life long bonds with each other that still exist today.  For me, being an outsider looking into those relationships, I wish I was apart of something like that when I was younger.  It can be and has proven to be a long term benefit and because of this, I sought to incorporate that or variations of those times into our ministry.
  • Make Cedar Run events, can’t miss events. As I mentioned above, students knew each other but they didn’t really know each other well enough to feel comfortable with one another outside of a church setting. So, I felt that the best way to draw students in and help begin to bridge that gap was to create opportunities for them to be together. But, if students didn’t really feel comfortable with each other, I had to do more than just an event. I had to create an air of excitement within the group that would cause students to come out regardless of who was coming or not coming. Because of this, the leaders and I created a mantra that whenever we did a Cedar Run event or program, that it was a can not miss event! That, if you came, you knew something big was going to happen that you couldn’t miss. The excitement in the air and the relational effort our leaders made with the students caused students to come out. Once they were there with the other students, they began the process of building relationships with each other. Those relationships grew and flourished because we provided avenues for them to relate to each other in shared experiences.
  • Get students interacting with each other outside of Church. A key to this is finding a commonality between the students. The best way to find that commonality is if you have leaders actively investing in students. Once you find a common interest the students share, you can begin to build those interest into friendships. For example, we had a bunch of students really into football. So, a few leaders and I set up a fantasy football league. We got 12 youth and leaders together and created this league that has now gone on for many years (even with most of them now being in college or beyond) and has been a great source of fellowship and community within the group and that unity has caused us to spawn even more leagues. The key here is that we found students who had something in common and got them to feel apart of something.
  • Go on a trip together. One of the first activities I did when I started at Cedar Run was go on their annual mission trip. Many ministers will tell you going away with your students for an overnight or a weekend would take several months of contact work with these same students to get the same amount of impact. It is because you are spending at least 24 – 48 continuous hours with them. So much can happen during that time. I can tell you that my weeklong trip with these students I hardly knew would have probably taken me years to build. Without a doubt, it was the best thing I could have ever done with our youth to win the right with them and start laying down the foundations of deep and real community together. Our youth came back pumped and excited about the ministry we did on that trip and just as excited about the relationships they developed with each other and myself.

These are just a few examples of what we did at Cedar Run to bond students together and build a community. There are countless other examples that can be used. The key is identifying what will work for your church or ministry and start doing them.

TAKE A MINUTE and...

  1. Identify some ways you can develop community in your church.  Is it one of the ideas listed above or something different?
  2. After  you have identified a few community builders, start planning them out and work on building community.

What about you?  What are some ways you built community amongst the youth in your program?  Post them so we can all benefit.

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