3 Ways to help develop Community within your Ministry Staff
When I was getting ready to take my first full-time ministry job as Jr. High Intern, I was telling my boss how much I was looking forward to working with all the church staffers. It was almost like I was in la-la land thinking that every staffer would work great with each other and it would be this perfect utopia. Then my boss told me something that has always stuck with me. He cautioned me and told me that working at a church is no different than working at some other secular institution. He said that there are a ton of staff dynamics and relationships that are unhealthy and non-functioning. I did not want to believe him because, as a young intern I was thinking that working in a ministry brings out the best, most christlike characteristics in all of us. But unfortunately, they do not.
Church staff dynamics are definitely tricky to navigate through and can be extremely dangerous. After spending over 13 years in full-time ministry (I've worked at 3 different churches and 1 para-church ministry), I have seen my share of interesting church staff dynamics. But, it doesn't have to be that way. There are ways that you can have positive staff dynamics and community. Here are just 3 things I learned that can help church staff dynamics improve and build a community that can be strong and for each other.
- Do things together outside of Church. If all the church staff does together is work together, then how can they possibly expect to love, serve and want to work side-by-side with each other? Of all the places I have worked, the ones that take time to do things outside of church together are the ones where there seems to be more healthy interactions together. After all, how can you possibly be frustrated with another staffer when you get to shoot them up all day long at laser tag? Just kidding, but seriously, there is a bond that starts to be developed when you go out to lunch together or grab a coffee, or do a quick errand together. Walls and barriers that may try to exist between staffers can quickly come down if you spend time together, outside of the Church walls. Another idea would be to do more Staff functions. Have staff and spouse dinners together, or special event times like a Christmas party. These will all help.
- Share about personal lives. I believe that if you really want a team to work together for a common purpose, you have to invest in each other and get to know each other. This doesn't mean that you have to go and share all your dirty laundry, but it would be good for you all to get to know who each of you all are and what makes you all tick. That way, when something big happens in your (or a member of the staff) life, the rest of staff can come around and support them. Regardless, getting to know who each staffer is helps to break down walls when conflict does arise (which it will).
- Keep short accounts. This has burned countless relationships. When short accounts are not kept, bickering, bitterness, anger and a whole lot of other unhealthy emotions start to get in the way. Do not let conflict give Satan a foothold. You may not like confrontation, but if you do not bring an issue before another staffer, Satan WILL use it against you and the church. You need to bring the issue into the light and deal with it. Personally, I do not like confrontation, but I have found over the years that if I do not share and bring the issue up, I become very unhealthy and it causes so much bitterness and anger inside of me. I HAVE to bring it up or else Satan will destroy me.
I believe that in order for these 3 to really take off is to have strong senior leadership. This is really the bottom line. Staffers want to be led. They don't want to see double standards or favoritism. They need someone to lead them, that can say the hard work and challenge while encouraging and spurring them on at the same time. This may be in your control (if you are the ministry head) or out of your control. But regardless of your role, you can do something. You can personally do the above 3 regardless of whether or not senior leadership does.
Obviously these are not the only ways to develop and build community amongst the staff, but these are 3 that I have found helpful over the years. What do you think? Have you seen these or other ways work in your ministry? If so, how? Post a comment so we can all benefit.
Then, TAKE A MINUTE and examine how you can do a better job of helping build community with your fellow co-workers. Is it one of the above 3 or is it something else? Examine your situation, bring it before the Lord for wisdom and direction and then act.
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Transitioning H.S. students into College Ministry
Gotta love the old school 90210 - Life changed a lot for them when they moved from h.s. to college
Every year that I have been a Youth Pastor, I have organized a High School Graduation Recognition event that formally recognizes all the graduates as they move into a new stage in their life. As I transition this summer into focusing on college and young adult ministry, I believe that it is vitally important that we transition high school graduates into this new stage in life well and provide them an opportunity to stay connected to the body of Christ. Too many students graduate into college and then fall off the face of the earth rarely ever to return to Church and a relationship with Christ again. As youth, college and young adult ministers, we have to be the bridge that closes the gap between high school and adulthood.
In light of this, here are just a few ways I thought of how we can transition high school graduates into college ministry:
- Start by building & continuing relationships. Believe me, I know that with limited resources and time commitments, it can be very difficult to start a college ministry. If you don't have a college ministry, you don't have to start big and have a huge program immediately. In fact, in all the things that I am learning, it is probably best for you not to start with a program at all. You need to start with relationships. That way you are keeping college students connected in relationships/friendships that they had throughout high school. And, hopefully, it will keep them connected into the life of the Church. Even at church on Sunday mornings, make it a priority to connect with the college students and even sit together during Church. Then go out to lunch afterwards. Starting small is ok, as long as you are just starting and building those relationships.
- Have a H.S. Graduation Recognition & Celebration. This is an opportunity for you, as the church, to recognize the achievement of the high school graduates in your congregation. You can recognize them during the church service and then you can celebrate their achievement after the service with a lunch. It is at that celebration that you invite the current college students and young adults in your congregation to come as well. By having the college students and young adults come, you are doing 2 things: 1. giving everyone a vision for being involved in a new, up and coming ministry that your church is excited about and 2. connecting current and new students together. The college students get to interact them with the rising students while hopefully encouraging them in important life lessons they learned during the day. It can be a great lunch for developing and building relationships.
- Connect with para-church & college campus ministries. Para-church ministries such as Young Life and F.C.A. are middle and high school oriented. But what happens to their students once they graduate into college or the workforce and do not have a church to go to? Usually nothing. That is why it benefits you to build relationships with those para-church and campus ministry leaders so that maybe you can help engage those students into what you all are offering at your church. Even if it is just you inviting more students to socials (see below) or a Bible study, you are building a base of students you can be inviting people to. And this gives you a chance to develop relationships with more students.
- Do some Mixers. I'm not talking about icebreaker mixers. I'm talking about socials. Socials are a regular part of the college world and it is a great way for students to come to a non-threatening environment, invite some friends and make some new friendships. Strategically plan a few of these 1-2 a month to get started. Also, in getting started, take a few college students out and ask them what kind of mixers or events they would want to come to. I took a few students out a few weeks ago and I got a ton of great ideas (unfortunately, not many of them mine:)).
Again, as I am transitioning into college and young adult ministry, these are some of the things I am learning and trying. I know that as a Youth Pastor, I have a lot to learn about doing this ministry effective. But, I am trying. So, college and young adult ministers, what are some helpful suggestions you can offer me and others who find themselves working in this great and extremely important age group?
Also, this is for everyone, TAKE A MINUTE and think through my 4 suggestions.
- Did I miss one or more that you have found helpful in your experiences?
- What is at least one of these suggestions that you can do this week? Maybe it is making a database of all the college aged students you know and setting up meetings with them to reconnect with them. Maybe it is getting on Facebook and promoting a mixer you have planned (that is one thing I did this week for a mixer I'm planning for next week - interesting idea that I'll blog about next week). Regardless of what it is, the point is to get out and make some progress in reaching college students for Christ and bridging them into adulthood.
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Why I am quitting Facebook
I'm quitting Facebook today. Yep, I'm gonna make it happen. I'm going to deactivate my account in hopes to never turn it back on again. So, I'm saying good-bye to my 531 friends (many of whom I haven't talked to seen in years). I'm saying good-bye to all the Mafia War invites and learning who needs what for their Farm Town collection. I'm saying good-bye all the changes in privacy rules.
There are a few reasons why I am quitting Facebook, but since this is my ministry blog, I will outline the main ministry reason why I am doing this.
The main ministry reason why I am quitting Facebook is because I only use it for ministry. Say What?!?! Isn't that a really good reason to keep it? Actually, it is. But it is also the reason to delete it. See, with Facebook you can easily keep tabs on people at all times - which is good. But, it takes the relationship aspect out if it. I can know what is going on with someone in my youth program without really being with that person and truly knowing them. In youth ministry we strive to model Christ's incarnational ministry. He came to Earth to meet us where we are in order to build a relationship with us that will lead us to loving relationship with God. With Facebook, I'm not doing that. It is not helping me develop relationships with people. it only allows me to see what they are doing and making a comment about it. That's not relationship building. It is "knowing" someone without really "knowing" them. I have found that Facebook actually takes away physical time that I should be having with students because I "know" what they are up to anyways. That's not the way I should be operating as an Incarnational Youth Minister.
Now, don't get me wrong. Facebook has been and can be a great tool for ministry. But in the grand scheme of things, I believe it will help me be a better youth minister without it, then with it.
So, bye Facebook! It was great knowing you. It's not you, it's me. I'm moving on.
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Letting People In
We all know it, youth ministry is hard. Whether you work at a mega-church or a small church, the pressures to perform and work wonders in teens is very high. Youth Pastors are on the front lines in helping to save the next generation of students for Christ - that's a lot of pressure 
.
But what happens to you when your world comes crashing down? Not your ministry world, but your personal world? What happens when you have a close death in the family, or your marriage is strained or one of your children gets in trouble with the law - not silly pranks trouble, but drug trouble or some sort of criminal trouble? Or what if your wife miscarries and goes into a deep depression? What do you do then? How do you respond and how do others respond around you?
I have been in my fair share of trying moments - after all spending over 13 years in ministry will probably do that to you. And, I have found that when those moments come, I can do 1 of 2 things - bottle it up inside, shut everyone else out and process myself OR share it with others and let people help me. When I bottle it up inside and try to process/handle the situation alone, I break down. I am so emotionally invested in whatever is happening that I can't process clearly enough to make a rational decision. But, if I open up and let a few people in (that's right I said a few people - not a lot of people), then the whole outlook is different.
For example, here are some reasons and benefits of how letting people in will help you get through these trying times.
- They help you process information so that you can come up with a rational conclusion. "A different set of eyes" sometimes makes all the difference. When I have a trying time, I can only process how I view things. But, if I let people in, they can sometimes offer a different opinion and present some different options that maybe I did not think about.
- They can help support you and your family with meals, babysitting, cleaning or whatever needs to be done. If a problem arises on the homefront, it completely changes your whole world. The world does not stop just because you have an issue. Dishes and laundry still need to get done, children still need to be played with and cared for and So, if you can get help on the homefront, that would be a true blessing as it allows you to focus on the crisis without a lot of distractions.
- It gives people the opportunity to serve YOU! That's right, Youth Pastors make a living out of serving others and helping them in their time of need. But who ministers to you when you are in need? It is not a 1 way street. Youth Ministers have to be open to allowing others to come alongside of you and give to you. It is a blessing for them to give and it most definitely be a blessing to you.
I have found that letting people into your world, especially during a hard time, is great medicine. I'm not saying you have to tell the whole world, but you should definitely tell those closest to you and the members of your church staff. No matter who you tell, I would encourage you to keep the circle tight. These situations can sometime be very sensitive and sometimes the whole world does not need to know your struggles - maybe one day but not during the daily ups and downs.
How about you? What do you feel about letting people in to support YOU? TAKE A MINUTE and process this and respond. Help the community of Youth Ministers really know and understand how you have seen this as a positive or a negative.
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4 Things Youth Ministry could learn from A.A.
I was talking to a friend of mine recently about A.A. and I quickly realized that I can learn from one of the most successful organizations around. Sure, they don't blow through Quarterly Earnings like Apple Inc. does but A.A. has a philosophy that is fundamentally sound and is quiet effective in helping people stay sober for a lifetime.
Going to this meeting, listening to others share and feeling the environment within the group, I learned a lot. I saw that there was much we, as believers and Youth Ministers, can take away from this organization and apply directly to our lives and ministry. Here is what I think we could learn from and apply:
- Sponsorship is key. Finding a sponsor for an alcoholic or adict is key to recovery. This is a person who holds you strictly accountable to not drinking. They will call you at any point in the day and expect you to answer and talk with them. One person shared that he was called at 12:15 am and said that he answered the phone because if he didn't, "there would be hell to pay" the next day. The level of accountability is very high with consequences higher. They need someone to help them walk through the daily battle of sobriety.
- They keep the memories fresh. The Old Testament is filled with the followers of God setting up memorials to Him for the great work He had done for them. Those memories were used to tell the story of how God brought them through a particular time in their history. They use those memorials to remember and tell the story to others. In the same way, at A.A., I heard someone say that he keeps coming back to remember how bad he was and to encourage those newcomers that they can make it. They remember the past so they do not have to relive the pain and the tragedy.
- Everyone is welcome. At A.A., they say the only requirement to join is the desire to stop drinking. It doesn't matter if you are black or white, rich or poor, young or old, if you have the desire to stop drinking, you are more than welcomed to join.
- One Day at a time. What a great saying! Their goal is to not drink one day at a time. They are not focused on the rest of their life, just that one particular day at a time. They wake up and decided that day, "I will not drink". They are not concerned about the next day or the day after that.
HOW THIS APPLIES TO YOUTH MINISTRY: We need tough accountability as we disciple students. Students don't need people to cheer them on as they teeter with the "grays" of following Christ. They need people to call them at 11 pm or 12 am and see if they are staying away from that party they promised you they wouldn't go to. They need mentors to hold them accountable so they can make those tough calls. Staying sober is far from easy with alcoholics. That is why they need tough love. Staying a believer is hard to do in life, especially the teen years. They need tough love to keep them on track to becoming a disciple for Christ long term.
HOW THIS APPLIES TO YOUTH MINISTRY: Are we raising up our youth to remember what God has done in their lives? Do they remember just how bad things were before we met Christ? God does mighty works in the lives of students all the time. Sometimes they are small works that lead to big works or sometime they are huge acts that blow people away (figuratively of course) with amazement and wonder. The point is that we are helping students remember all that God has done for them, especially how He brought them from death to life. That will encourage them and help stay a disciple for Christ long term. On a side note, it is also a great reminder for us as believers. Do we take time to reflect on all that Christ has done for us, given us and brought us from? HE IS A MIGHTY GOD who had DONE MIGHT WORKS in our lives. Let's not forget what Christ has brought us from as well!
HOW THIS APPLIES TO YOUTH MINISTRY: I know we say this a lot at Church and in our youth programs, but is everyone really welcome to come? Does a student who has severe ADD or ADHD really feel welcomed? Or do they feel that they are just annoying people? Does a girl who "gets around" feel welcomed? Or does she hear the same whispers she hears at school? Does the long haired, tattooed, t-shirt wearing guy feel welcomed? Or do people stay away from him not wanting to "upset" or "anger" him? The point is to have a plan to make sure every student feels welcomed and cared for the moment they walk into the door. Do you have that plan in place? Everyone matters to God and if they feel the same negative way at church that they feel at other places, why would they ever come back. Christ calls us to love all people, so no matter what they look like or how they act, as believers, we need to be loving them.
HOW THIS APPLIES TO YOUTH MINISTRY:
In the same way, our relationship with Christ, especially for youth, should be focused on one day at a time. To non-believers espeically, when you commit your life to Christ and throw away the past temptations of parties, hook-ups or other temporal pleasures, it is hard to say I can be committed to Christ for eternity. But, if you give them the mindset that following Christ is one day at a time, it is more manageable and they could probably have a greater impact. After all, if following Christ is one day at a time, you might take more risks for Him. You might spend more time with Him, therefore receiving wisdom about a situation in life you are involved with. God might be able to do so much more in our lives if we just give him the opportunity and take it one day at a time. One day at a time is a great philosophy because it focuses people on following the Lord and doing all for him as you can that one particular day at a time.
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Where does Privacy apply to a Public Position?
This is a follow up to the poll I did 2 weeks ago. I appreciate everyone who voted on the poll and made a comment. They were very helpful as I continue to process this interesting debate.
I will preface this post by saying that this is something that I have been debating in my head for the past 9 months. Even thought I will state a position on this, I am NOT saying I am right. This is just how I view things and what God is teaching me. I believe that this debate, especially in small to medium size churches, has HUGE potential to impact both your ministry and family at the same time. So whether you have, are currently in or will in the future deal with this issue, it think that it is extremely important that you have thought through on how you will handle it.
The Debate
Where does privacy apply to being in a public Church Leadership position? Do you, as a Church staffer have the right to your privacy in your personal life or should everything be made public?
On one side there will be people who argue that you have the right to your privacy. They will argue that as long as your ministry is not being compromised, that you are acting with full integrity of the spiritual position and that you are fulfilling your job description you have been called to, you have that right to privacy.
On the other side, there will be people who argue that as a public spiritual leader, your private life is public. Sure, not everything in your private life needs to be shared, but when it comes to struggles or tough situations for you or your family, the congregation has the right to know what is going on. This “side” will argue that if you are transparent with who you are, then God will work and that the body of Christ will surround this person and family with love, support and compassion.
My Position
If you have been involved in ministry for any number of years, or even months, you will know that a ministry job is not your normal 9-5, Monday thru Friday job. We work on the weekends, at nights, in the early mornings. We get paid less than most other professionals with the same amount of experience. We work on the football fields, at Starbucks or in the mall. We are not able to worship in our own Church the same way members of our congregation can. After all, Sunday is a workday. I do not need to go much further for you to get the point - there is very little that is considered "normal" when you work in a ministry position - especially youth ministry.
Because there is this lack of normalcy in being a minister, this debate is not easily decided. There is a lot of “grey” in this debate. For example, when you feel that the Lord is calling you to accept the job as “minister” you are held to a different standard. As a Youth Pastor, I understand and accept that responsibility and my calling. In Titus 1:7-9, Paul points out that we are held to a higher standard as “overseers” and “elders”. Again, this is a standard I accept and affirm. I know that if I were to struggle with certain things, such as adultery or illegal drug use (which I never have), these are some of things that need to be brought into the light. But, where do the boundaries lie between what Paul calls us to and what other people’s expectations (unfair or not) are? Let me explain.
Does this same standard that Paul outlined in Titus apply to your family as well? Just because I have accepted that role and responsibility of the higher standard, does that mean they have to accept that same role and responsibility? Obviously, as spouses and parents, we desire for our whole family to follow the Lord with as much passion as we do. But just because we have committed to follow the Lord and serve Him in a position of authority, does that mean the rest of our family is held to that exact same standard that Paul outlines in Titus 1?
Ultimately, what I am getting at is I think our views of who our “overseers” should be are out whack. The biblical standards are right on, but I think that over time, this has caused our congregations to expect ministers to be perfect. It is almost like they hold ministers up to such a high standard that they are not given the opportunity to fail or struggle. I do not believe that this is intentional or malicious in any way, but I believe that most people in the congregation almost expect ministers to be hold a Christlike standard - perfection. They place pastors and their families on pedestals where they do not allow for struggles to happen. I’m sorry, but just because they are the pastor or a member of his/her family does not mean they cannot struggle. Yet people put them (even spouses) into positions of authority and respect and glorify their every move. Why? Because he/she is the Pastor or a member of his/her family?!? They are "supposed" to do certain things and act a certain way. I believe that because of this, the pressure that the congregation, sometimes indirectly, put on ministers, spouses and family to perform is too great and very unrealistic. Not everyone is geared that way.
I believe that we have to have realistic expectations of our “overseers”. I believe that Paul was right on when he challenged Titus and Timothy (1 Timothy 3:1-9). But I also believe that people have taken that standard and have expected perfection from them and their families; something that is completely unrealistic for them to ever be able to accomplish.
Ultimately, I believe in privacy and that Church Staffers have the right to privacy as they go through a tough time. However, as I have seen, it is not that easy of a decision to make – protect staffers privacy. As I pointed out above and will describe below, there is a lot of “grey” here and protecting ones privacy affects more people than just the staffer and their family.
A Balancing Act
Working in small to medium sized churches and ministries all my life, I know that "community" is a big component in those ministries. After all, as 1 Corinthians 12:12-27 points out, we are all part of the body of Christ. That means, when one part of the body suffers, we all suffer. So, ideally, when a struggling person or family unit comes into the mix, the community would surround and help them through this difficult time. When this person or family is within the congregation, I have seen such great ministry happen.
The only problem that I have seen in promoting “community” in past situations is when it comes down to a Church staffer and their family. Although people say they want community and for things to be in the light, when they do come into the light, how does that “community” respond? Does the community surround the Church staffer and their family? Or does uproar happens and the staffer and family are kicked to the curb? How does the Church leadership respond? Will they support and encourage or dump and run? Unfortunately, when it comes to Church Staffers, I have seen “community” turn into a nightmare on so many levels.
Ultimately, I believe that if you are a community of believers that means you give grace when grace is needed, forgiveness when forgiveness is needed and you discipline when discipline is needed. It is definitely a balancing act. I cannot say that there is a right or wrong way to respond. Each situation has to be carefully addressed depending on the circumstances. Church leadership definitely has to play a huge role and will have to stand by some pretty hard decisions.
A Final Thought
What I have learned and seen over the years is that if a Church staffer is going through a difficult time in their personal, private life it affects more than just that person and family. It affects the other church staff as well. Therefore, if the Church chooses to be silent on that matter in order to protect the staffer and their family while they go through this difficult time, there should be a few things in place:
- A Company Line. What will the staff say if people from the congregation ask them what is going on with so-and-so? If the staffers do not know exactly what to say, you have put them into an awkward position of lying or coming up with something on their own that may not be entirely accurate – again, lying. By deciding as a staff what to say, you are protecting your staffer but also giving the other staff a peace of mind as to what to say.
- Encourage a small group “Community”. When a staffer and their family are going through a tough time, it can be easy to be the “Lone Ranger” and keep 100% silent on the matter. Instead of being the Lone Ranger, they need to surround themselves with people who can care and support them. This is not the whole church (as described above), but at least a few other people and/or couples that can help them. Remember, the battle we all wage, although private, is a spiritual battle (Ephesians 6:12). Satan is extremely powerful and ready to devour (1 Peter 5:8). By surrounding themselves with a few people in community, I believe God can work more powerfully through the situation.
- Be prepared for fall out. If not handled appropriately and the congregation feels blindsided by a revelation after the fact that they believed was “covered up”, then there could be some serious resentment and fallout (i.e. members leave the church). I have seen this happen and it becomes very messy. There is no possible way for the church leadership to be fully prepared for the reaction the congregation makes, but they have to be prepared for fall out. They have to be prepared to stand by their decisions, knowing full well that if viewed incorrectly, it could cause some real frustration and people leaving.
I believe AND I HAVE SEEN that if you do not have these things in place, it will cause frustration within the staff and with the members of the Church.
As I stated in the beginning, this is strictly my opinion and I may have only scratched the service. But I want to challenge you to TAKE A MINUTE and think through…
- How will you respond when the privacy and public knowledge lines get blurred? What will you do and how will protect without being deceitful?
- How can you continue to protect yourself and your family? How can you keep them focused on the Lord and lead them?
If you have something you want to add to this, please voice your opinion. I just ask that you respect the opinions of others and allow everyone to voice their thoughts. I believe that this is not a black and white issue, so there are many shades of gray. If you have experienced this blurred line before, please comment on that as I think it gets more blurry as you walk through it.
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Community Matters
Just recently, I had to have a sit down with one of our newer volunteer leaders. The other volunteers were frustrated as they felt he was contributing anything to the team or the ministry. So my purpose was to sit down and talk with him about what was going on. What I found out was that very early on, when he decided to be a leader, he did not feel like he was apart of the "community" of leaders at Cedar Run. He did not feel that the other leaders accepted him so he intentionally disengaged from them and never fully got on board. I can not tell you if he was right or wrong, but it was his perception and we know that a person's perception is their reality.
What I ultimately got out of that meeting and left with was the fact that community matters. As Youth Directors and Leaders, we all know the value of building community with your volunteer leaders and needs to be a vital part of your ministry. If you do not understand ways to develop community with your volunteer leaders, check it out here, here and here. Having effective leaders starts with the community that is developed between the leaders. If a leader does not feel apart of the community, then he or she will not be as effective as he/she can be. The above example is a perfect case in point.
I've outlined ways before, here are a few more ways you can engage your youth leadership team as a community:
- Go out and do fun things together. Go out and play laser tag together or have dinner together. Or go watch a minor league baseball game together. The point is to go do "friendship" things together so that leaders do not feel that all you, the Youth Director, care about is what they can do for the ministry. By going out and having fun together, you are showing them that you want to be with them and that you genuinely like them. That goes a long way to building a good leadership team.
- When you have leaders meeting, spend some time talking more than just "business". Talk about how you all are doing personally and how you all can be praying for each other. If all you do is sit around and talk "shop", then you are missing a great opportunity to be real with each other and get to really know each other.
- Make sure you are connecting with them individually. Sometimes leaders will feel more a part of the group if they are connecting with the Head Leader, which is you. So make sure you are taking time out to connect individually with all your leaders on a regular basis.
Although you can do a lot to build community in your ministry, I have also found out that community is a two-way street. You may have all the above things in place, but like my leader example above, have leaders who still feel disengaged or not apart of the community. The leaders have to take it upon themselves to want to be apart of community. You cannot force community and make people want to hang out with each other. They have to want it just as much. So what I challenge all my leaders is that if they want to feel apart of the community, as a leader, have:
- make an extra effort to engage with the other leaders
- come to leader meetings and leader events so that you know what is going on in the ministry but also have the opportunity to get to know the leaders in a different setting.
These are just two action steps they can do. But I believe that if they make the effort in these two areas, they will feel more apart of the leadership community.
The reality is community matters. If your leadership team works together and functions as a community, there is going to be a great benefit to them and to the students. If you all fail to build an effective community, then the leaders and students will suffer.
So, TAKE A MINUTE and...
- Examine your leadership team. Are you building community within the group or are people feeling disengaged and not contributing?
- What can you do this week to build a community of leaders that are going to go after Christ and the youth at your Church together?
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POLL: Where does Privacy apply in a Public Leadership Position
Ok folks, I need your help. I'm working on a new blog post but I want to get some other viewpoints before I release my position on this topic sometime next week. So I'm asking you to:
- Vote in the poll below
- Then, more importantly, explain why you voted that way.
Again, as I'm struggling to determine what the right answer is (if there is one), I would love some opinions.
As you see below, the poll is on where does privacy (i.e. your private home life - the life you lead when no one is looking) apply to a very public leadership position (i.e. a Church staff member). I understand and accept the responsibility that as a Staffer, you are held to a higher standard and your life is on display. But what about your family? Does everything in your private life need to be public knowledge and opened up to the "body of Christ"? Or are there things that can remain silent or unspoken so that not everyone in your Church knows every detail of your life (as if you were that important to begin with )?
So please, TAKE A MINUTE and take this poll. Then, offer up a comment and then finally pass it around to others in ministry. It'd be great to get a good chatter going.
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- Letting People In
3 Ways to Defuse Church Rivalries
I am a big fan of working together with other Churches and ministries. For instance, at Cedar Run we have a very close relationship with the local Young Life ministry and have partnered together on numerous ideas and events. I see them as huge winners when you can get the body of Christ together that stretches beyond denominations.
Although partnering with other ministries and churches has some tremendous benefits, there can be some hinderances to a partnership developing. It's called Church Rivalries. I have seen church rivalries develop on retreats and even mission trips before – yes, even mission trips! But, the one that had the most impact on me was a local rivalry that I never thought would have happened.
When I worked at Young Life, I developed a good friendship with Chris Craddock. The year after I left Young Life to start working for Cedar Run, Chris began working for another local Church. So when he started working at his new church, a little friendly rivalry began as we knew many of the same students from working with Young Life. Christ and I never viewed this “rivalry” talk as anything serious as we had a lot of respect for each other. But students did not quite take it the same way. In fact, as many new believers who had no Church “home” of their own had to choose between going to my Church or Chris’, a “whose youth program is better” mentality broke out with the students. Students at both of our Churches would constantly be recruiting and even negative recruiting their friends to come to their Church. I have no problem with recruiting and pumping up your specific Church. But when you resort to negative recruiting against another godly organization, that is when you’ve crossed the line. Unfortunately, no matter how hard Chris and I tried to defuse the “rivalry”, students still had this “us” verses “them” mentality, which, as you might imagine, caused tension between students and even some of our leaders.
When rivalries develop, it can be very detrimental and dangerous to the health of our work. After all, we are in the business of bringing students into a loving relationship with Christ in which he constantly promoted that everyone mattered and everyone is equal in his eyes (i.e. the Good Samaritan and the woman at the well). When rivalries develop and tensions run high between two or more ministries, it goes counter to everything Christ believed and stood for. Christ called us to love God and love others (Matthew 22:36-40). You do not need to be a rocket scientist to realize when rivalries start, loving God and others is not always displayed. Therefore, instead of bringing people together and uniting them for the kingdom of God, we resort to bad-mouthing great ministries.
But, there are at least 3 possible ways to defusing rivalries:
- Local rivalries - partner together for combined events. It could be a social, discipleship or outreach event in which you gather both Churches together. Be very intentional about that time together as you attempt to build community and to give the students a kingdom mindset. It may not happen after just 1 time together so plan to do a few events together. That way, over time, students can begin to form bonds together that will hopefully defuse any potential rivalries.
- Trip rivalries – Talk to the other trip leaders during the first leaders meeting. Just throw it out there that tensions can possibly run high during events or work and that we should, as a leadership team, quickly defuse any tension or rivalry that would develop. By getting it out in the open, you all can talk about it and everyone in leadership will start keeping an eye open to potential issues.
- Ultimately, defusing Church rivalries can happen by giving students a kingdom mindset. As leaders, we are striving to bring more students into the heavenly kingdom where we are all united under same body. Other ministries and Churches are striving to do the same thing. So, whether we always agree on things or not, we have to keep a kingdom mindset. Rejoice with others when God moves in their midst and pray for them when trying times come about. If you and your leadership team are committed to kingdom building, then it doesn’t matter if your Church is better than the next one. All that matters is that students are coming to know Christ and that they will be joining you in the Kingdom of Heaven one day. Once you and your leadership team have that kingdom mindset, you can effectively teach it and give it away to your students. Then, hopefully, rivalries will be limited and more students will be entering into a relationship with Christ because of it.
So, what do you think?
TAKE A MINUTE and think about how you have seen Church/Ministry rivalries develop and how you have attempted to defuse them. Post a comment so that all of us can benefit from knowing other potential ways to defuse them.
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Do you do a Youth Group Bracket Challenge?
With the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament set, it brings up the annual question - do you do a bracket challenge with your students? If so, do you give away a prize for the winner.
I do and often give away a small prize to the winner. The reason why I do a Bracket Challenge is to create a community, bonding event that everyone can participate in and talk about. On a lesser note, it is also a great way to reach out to others who do not go to Church and maybe be a way to draw them in. One year, when George Mason (a local team for us in Northern VA) made it to the Final Four, I used that as an opportunity to do a mini-outreach event and had people come over to my house to watch the Final Four together. It was a great time for both girls and guys as they got to root on Mason but they also got to banter back and forth about their brackets.
The bigger question for me is not do we do a Group Bracket Challenge. Rather, it is how do I get more girls involved in the challenge? Some girls naturally will do one, but most of the girls in my group would not touch this even if I gave away an iPod. They have no idea what to do and how to do it. So how do you make this attractive enough for girls to want to participate in?
Take the poll below and then offer any suggestions you might have to include more girls. The best suggestion will get a $5 Starbucks gift card.
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Past Posts
- The Youth & V.B.S. at work – Days 4 & 5
- The Youth & V.B.S. at work – Day 3
- The Youth & V.B.S. at work – Day 2
- The Youth & V.B.S. at work – Day 1
- GUEST POST: Beyond our Sandbox
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